ChesCa's Datalog Shuffle

[ChesCa]

The theme song for ACT I:

While I try to work on my other story, this is a story that actually went over well when I presented it to my classmates. It's three acts, but at most I'll go as far as II, as Stephen King is one who helped inspired this story and the third act probably wouldn't fly well here.
Hell, the first act is morbid in of itself, but I might as well give it a shot.
On a side note: The character Cuddles is not me. I am named Cuddles the Dark simply because he's been with me since middle school and I like his name.
Please ask me questions/critique me if anything confuses you, and please pardon the dust.

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http://www.apforums.net/showpost.php...28&postcount=5
http://www.apforums.net/showpost.php...0&postcount=12
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http://www.apforums.net/showpost.php...7&postcount=26
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http://www.apforums.net/showpost.php...1&postcount=32
http://www.apforums.net/showpost.php...5&postcount=36
END ACT I

Theme of ACT II:


ACT II
http://www.apforums.net/showthread.p...=1#post1787692
http://www.apforums.net/showpost.php...95&postcount=5
http://www.apforums.net/showpost.php...45&postcount=6
http://www.apforums.net/showpost.php...20&postcount=7
http://www.apforums.net/showpost.php...93&postcount=8
http://www.apforums.net/showpost.php...44&postcount=9
http://www.apforums.net/showpost.php...8&postcount=10
http://www.apforums.net/showpost.php...7&postcount=11
http://www.apforums.net/showpost.php...9&postcount=15
http://www.apforums.net/showthread.p...=1#post2237121

[ChesCa]

I should bump this thread so you guys can find it (Kenny and the others, is what I mean).
Please pardon the intrusion.

[Kitsune Inferno]

Mmmm. I like the setup. :D Not much in the way of critiquing as there's little to go by. Will give full review later.

[Uncle Kenny]

Heh, I remember when I used to post music for certain scenes. I actually still get the urge to now and again because I'll think, "Damn, this music would fit this fight or romance scene perfectly!" but I was forced to stop once people started complaining too much. Personally, I think it adds well to the atmosphere of this act so I think it's a nice touch. They actually do have novels with nothing but pictures and a music player for each scene so this set-up can definitely work.

So far, not much is going on but I have to say that I'm immersed and interested in what's going to happen next. There's a grand air of mystery in this act and I want to see where it goes. Don't be uncomfortable with posting anything mature (simply throw them in spoiler tags and give everyone a warning; I'll still read it). The grammar, as far as I can tell, was perfect. Some people might complain that there was too much repetition but I think it was just the right amount to build tension without becoming overly repetitive so no complaints on that from me.

I look forward to your next installment. =)

[ChesCa]

Thanks you two. By the way, I'm sorry to say, but these pages haven't been edited since I first did them, so there are going to be spelling mistakes and the like. Perhaps after I use this thread to edit, I can put 'improved' pages on my DA account.
One such mistake is that the months are supposed to be labeled, but I forgot to do so for this month.
Since it's the beginning, I can give a little more this time around without waiting. That said, I have to warn you, Act I got me an A in my class, before it got a D after I finished all 3 acts (the only D I got). Here's to hoping that I don't repeat the same mistakes again:

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[Uncle Kenny]

I feel like an idiot for just now realizing this is being done in second-person perspective. To be honest with you, I find the morbid storyline fascinating. Not much to say this time around besides how awesome everything is shaping up to be and how interested I am in continuing.

Keep it up. =)

[ChesCa]

Thanks, but don't you mean first person?
It may be hard to tell, but the person being dragged off is doing all the seeing, not the reader. His eyes are recording (unfortunately, I don't think I explained that).

[Uncle Kenny]

I wanted to say first-person but I haven't seen any internal monlogue yet (or missed it if there was any). Without any internal monlogue, it's second-person.

[ChesCa]

Ah, I see what you mean now.
The thing is...the main character is mute in totality.
Giving him internal monologue would ruin his character. You only get to see the surface, I'm afraid to say.

[Uncle Kenny]

Ah, so it is first-person perspective.~

It's still very interesting from this point of view.

[Kitsune Inferno]

Yeah, overall, this is extremely fascinating, simply because of the perspective. Gives a new layer of depth to the story, IMO. :) Can't wait for more!

[ChesCa]

Alright, here's the next part.
This one's strange, as this character was made up nearly on the spot (Fonce). Still, after I worked out his story, he worked out pretty well.
Once again, if you can't understand anything, just ask.

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[Uncle Kenny]

Is he hallucinating?

[Kitsune Inferno]

Holy LSD! My eyes just melted!

[ChesCa]

I can throw you guys the same bone I did for my DA viewer.
The subject's in 'Digital Wonderland.'
If you're unable to tell where he is/was after the next installment, I'll mark that part down for clarification and tell you what happened.
@Kenny: I'll be sure to read your new chapter, but it'll have to be later.
@K-I: That's getting sigged.

[ChesCa]

Side note: The first page should've been in the last post, completing the 'Digital Wonderland' sequence. Ah well:

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[Uncle Kenny]

Man, I wish I knew how to draw. The visual appeal behind this makes it so much more interesting than a regular story. I'm legitamately sucked into this story and wish desperately to continue reading it.

Fuuuuuck, I need to learn how to draw...

[ChesCa]

Man, I wish I knew how to draw. The visual appeal behind this makes it so much more interesting than a regular story. I'm legitamately sucked into this story and wish desperately to continue reading it.

Fuuuuuck, I need to learn how to draw...

Thanks. It's been a long time since I felt like I had that kind of impact on people.
Although my pessimist side keeps saying that this may not last, but we'll see when I post more.
...I'm just saying this because you remind me of myself when I started this comic: learning to draw is drawing itself. My first pages were shit, and even those pages took about an hour each. Now that I'm more comfortable, my art's...less crappy. One change that I made later on was that the doors got knobs (I just drew the doors before hand), and the Girl eventually gained cat-like eyes. If I redrew these pages, she would lose the round pupils and would have slits instead.
But now I'm just ranting. My advice (if you want it) is that when you're ready, feel free to start drawing at any time. It's easy to learn, but it does take a while to 'master'. Thankfully, when you have found your own style, mastering anything will amount to jack-shit.

[ChesCa]

EDIT: When Fonce talks about the camera, the part that got cut off is supposed to say 'It never worked for us.'
Here's the next part. I know that I was supposed to do this every three days, but considering my small audience (I'm not being bitter, just stating the facts) and how many pages I have, it couldn't hurt to pick up the pace for now.
This part is really new, meaning I don't know if there are any plot holes or not, so be blunt in this part.

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[Uncle Kenny]

We get some much needed character development this time around. I think I finally found something to complain about, that being that things are moving pretty slowly. Naturally, this isn't a problem or anything especially for a comic but I just wish we'd get some more development a bit more quickly. Perhaps I'm just being greedy, though. If I had to be honest with myself then I'd say the pacing is fine but we just don't have too many pages to work with.

Anyways, another excellent read.~