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Thread: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

  1. #21

    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    Ahahahahahaha!
    I love this thread already.
    [youtube]RPiaB7z4ehY&feature=related[/youtube]

  2. #22
    Discovered Stowaway piratemarimo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    Oh my god. XD This thread is going places. Sad to say the first thing I read was Uncle Kenny's comment and so it kind of ruined it for me, but it is well written. Much better than the crap I write. and BFF I love your explanation.


  3. #23
    Okashira kmohyudin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    I am too pure... I can only read it in the way its supposed to be read!! Nice poem KI!!
    Quote Originally Posted by xterm
    The problem with [the world] is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
    Thanks Sky for the Avatar

  4. #24
    honk honk<-foxes say this Kitsune Inferno's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    I love you
    I need you
    I can't live without you
    I need you be my side
    I want you next to me
    Close to me
    I love the way you laugh
    I love the way you smile
    If love were a race
    Why, you'd win it by a mile
    I can't stop thinking about you
    You're my life
    You're the sunshine
    You're the stars
    I love your hair
    I love your sense of humor
    I love your eyes
    I love the way you believe my lies

  5. #25
    Crocus for 2011 puffin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    Perfect ending .

    2nd Member of Vepe's Pack!
    Quote Originally Posted by Greg View Post
    You're so awesome puffin. Thank God you just barely joined in 2009.


  6. #26
    honk honk<-foxes say this Kitsune Inferno's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    The puffin! It posts!

  7. #27
    Crocus for 2011 puffin's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    Quote Originally Posted by Kitsune Inferno View Post
    The puffin! It posts!
    I'm slowly recovering from my lurking addiction...slowly...

    2nd Member of Vepe's Pack!
    Quote Originally Posted by Greg View Post
    You're so awesome puffin. Thank God you just barely joined in 2009.


  8. #28

    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    Quote Originally Posted by Kitsune Inferno View Post
    I love you
    I need you
    I can't live without you
    I need you be my side
    I want you next to me
    Close to me
    I love the way you laugh
    I love the way you smile
    If love were a race
    Why, you'd win it by a mile
    I can't stop thinking about you
    You're my life
    You're the sunshine
    You're the stars
    I love your hair
    I love your sense of humor
    I love your eyes
    I love the way you believe my lies
    Wow, you have quite a way with ending your poems. I like it. You change the atmosphere of the entire poem with one line. Makes the reader try to imagine what kind of person is speaking, and what secrets they're hiding.
    Spoiler:



    MissMary's favourite panel from OP 603

  9. #29

    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    Every time I start to read one of these, I wonder whether Kitsune has fallen hopelessly, madly in love. Then something throws me off, like Uncle Kenny's comment for the fruit one, or your own words.

    Anyway, great job, as usual.

    (You have a little typo at the fourth line.)
    Handsome man save me from the monsters.
    Avatar credits to rcerione

  10. #30
    honk honk<-foxes say this Kitsune Inferno's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    The Monster by the Highway
    (written by Kitsune Inferno, inspired by Smudger)

    Everyday, I go for a walk. Usually, it's a short walk, but I've been getting bolder every day. However, there was a monster that blocked my path. I've come across plenty of them at lakes, streams, canals, and even on country roads.

    But this monster likes to hang out by the highway, taking many vehicles within its cavernous maw. I could feel the beast grumble as it fed off of cars, taking them in on one side and spitting them out of the other. Each vibration felt like a howl of pain from the monster's vehicular victims.

    I wasn't sure what to do, as this creature was the only thing stopping me from reaching the other side. The only option was to cross the beast itself, over its asphalt-coated back.

    As i approached the monster, the howls and vibrations grew more intense. I shied away, desperate to escape the automovore's attention, yet I thought better of it. I needed to reach the other side somehow. I had to face the beast head on and conquer that monster.

    I swallow my fear and tiptoed across the brute. About a third of the way across its yellow-striped spine, I felt the rumbling and howling beneath my feet as semi-trucks and SUVs zoomed between the monster's concrete fangs. My knees buckled and my eyes began to blur.

    But I was halfway there. I swallowed away the fear that took residence in the back of my mouth. I was just about there already, so I close my eyes and bolted to the other side. Finally, I stuck to my guns and overcame the overpass bridge monster... until I crossed it on the way back and did it all again.

  11. #31

    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    Pretty nice imagery there. I like it.

  12. #32
    honk honk<-foxes say this Kitsune Inferno's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    Song I wrote a while back. I'm in a songwriting mood, so I felt it was appropriate to post this one:

    Spoiler:
    Face It
    by Alex Nielsen Kitsune Inferno

    Hey look, here she comes
    Looks like she's having fun
    I guess the same really can't be said of you
    You're sitting there at home
    Never thought you'd be alone
    I bet you're wondering just what you're gonna do

    A million tears she cried
    A million tales you lied
    How many times had you surrounded her in misery?
    You were the death of her
    Oh how you made her hurt
    But it no longer matters, it's just history

    Face it, she's never coming back
    Face it, already had your chance
    Face it, she gave you everything but you had to go and throw it all away
    Face it, your life's a living hell
    Face it, since she's free from her cell
    Face it, she gave you everything but you had to go and throw it all away

    Hopeless and confused
    Trying hard to hide the bruise
    Now she's glad it's all buried in the past
    You realize what you've done
    How did everything go wrong?
    She's finally gone, it happened way too fast

    She's on top of the world
    And you're without a girl
    Oh man, I can't imagine how it sucks to be you
    You wanna turn back the clock
    But the pain will never stop
    At least until you feel exactly what you've put her through

    Face it, she's never coming back
    Face it, already had your chance
    Face it, she gave you everything but you had to go and throw it all away
    Face it, your life's a living hell
    Face it, since she's free from her cell
    Face it, she gave you everything but you had to go and throw it all away

    Fact it, she's never coming back
    Face it, already had your chance
    Face it, she gave you everything but you had to go and throw it all away
    Face it, your life's a living hell
    Face it, since she's free from her cell
    Face it, she gave you everything but you had to go and throw it all away

    Face it, she's never coming back
    Face it, she's never coming back
    She gave you everything but you had to go and throw it all away

  13. #33

    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    I... like it. Quite a lot. :)
    Handsome man save me from the monsters.
    Avatar credits to rcerione

  14. #34
    honk honk<-foxes say this Kitsune Inferno's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    Viper's Nest
    by Alex NielsenA random foxy guy

    Look, there she is
    Standing over there by the DJ
    Go, take your chance
    Get over there and take her breath away

    Twice a week she comes to this bar
    Looking for a new man to swallow
    You're a fool if you fall for her trap
    Woe to the crazed man who follows

    Her kiss is poison, your life is forfeit
    But was she good, was it worth it?
    You've had a chance to roll with the best
    But boy, you're trapped in the viper's nest

    Let's ask the DJ to play you a sad song
    Let's get a round of applause
    For the man who thinks he charmed the snake
    No, no, no, the snake charmed you because...

    Her kiss is poison, your life is forfeit
    But was she good, was it worth it?
    You've had a chance to roll with the best
    But boy, you're trapped in the viper's nest

    Now get ready it's time for her meal
    She softened you up good it seems
    You'll slide right down her throat
    Look, there goes your hopes and dreams

    Her kiss is poison, your life is forfeit
    But was she good, was it worth it?
    You've had a chance to roll with the best
    But boy, you're trapped in the viper's nest

    She's got you hook, line, and sinker
    Come on boy, get up and thank her
    She's a maneater that girl
    She rocked your world
    Boy you've rolled with the best
    And hey, you know the rest
    That girl's got you trapped in her viper's nest
    Last edited by Kitsune Inferno; July 23rd, 2011 at 06:42 PM.

  15. #35
    honk honk<-foxes say this Kitsune Inferno's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    Spontaneous writing gogogo!

    Spoiler:
    The Fence
    “Pass the ball, David!” Kevin roared as he shook off Jason's guard and created an opening.
    David did the best to pass the ball to his teammate, but Mike intercepted the ball mid-delivery. The tall boy then shot the ball, which fell effortlessly into the net.
    “Score!” Jason gave his partner a high five.
    “Good going, David,” Kevin growled as he brushed his black locks from his face, which itself was coated in sweat.
    “Sorry,” the timid boy responded, his thoughts preoccupied. “I gotta get going.”
    “Giving up already?” Jason sneered playfully.
    “I've gotta get home,” David tried to explain before setting off with a fast gait.
    “You live that way, dingus,” Mike pointed in the opposite direction.
    “I have to pick something up from the store,” David lied.
    “I'll go with you then,” Jason offered thoughtfully.
    “Nah, don't worry about it,” David responded. They couldn't know his secret. “I'll be okay.”
    “You sure?” Kevin scowled. “The fence is close by, you know. Last time Jay and I went through there, those monsters tossed rocks at us.”
    “I'll stay away from the fence,” David lied reassuringly. “I've never even touched the fence before.”
    “Still,” Jason sighed. “You be careful, okay?”
    “I will,” David grinned before sprinting away. He didn't want to be followed. No one could know. No one could ever know.
    She was waiting for him near the park. Her clothes were tattered and her face smudged with dirt. Her brown hair was matted and her stomach was thin, but her eyes. David couldn't get enough of her eyes.
    “David!” she called out, before hushing her voice and shying back. Neither of them could afford getting caught.
    He approached the fence and took off his backpack and opened the pouch, pulling out his lunch.
    “Keep your voice down,” he scolded. “I brought you something to eat.”
    “Oh, thank you,” she whispered gratefully as she reached through the fence and snatched the sandwich from David's hand and woofed it down. “Thank you,” she repeated.
    “Don't mention it,” he whispered. “I got my mom's tailor to make you a beautiful dress made of silk. The fabric is a deep blue to match you eyes. And the frills will be white. I picked it out myself.”
    “But I'll only get it dirty,” she sighed. “And they'll ask where I got it from. And they'll know. David, they can't ever know.”
    “I know,” he whispered. He had forgotten that it wasn't going to be that easy. He slammed his fist against the fence. “Stupid fence.”
    She grabbed his fist from the other side and hooked her fingers around his.
    “Celine, I...,” David choked up.
    “It's okay,” she leaned against the fence as best she could. He could feel her warmth between the chain links. “It's just a fence. We can still feel each other, can't we?”
    She closed her eyes as she leaned against the fence, savoring every last moment they had.
    It was just a fence. But that fence was more than just a physical barrier. The fence meant that they'd never truly be together. And it drove David mad.
    The fence had been there long before David was born. The upper-class folks built it to keep the “filth” out of their green gardens and away from their fancy Victorian houses. On the other side, the “trash” lived. Poor folk, forced to live off the land with limited resources. Even clean water was above them. David was born on the “clean” side of the fence, where he lived his days in ignorant bliss, until he got too close to the fence a few years ago.
    He met Celine that day. He was only eleven years old at the time. Unlike the others, she didn't throw rocks at him or pelt him with their leavings. She just smiled and waved. Initially, he was cold toward her, as was expected of him. But she persisted and soon, he began to warm up to her company.
    She was an orphan, both of her parents long dead. She lived in a tiny hovel close to the fence, where she scraped by on crumbs and leaves from the trees that grew over the fence. David had half a mind to climb one of those trees and join her on the other side, but there were measures taken by the higher ups that made sure they couldn't be climbed.
    David never felt quite the same when he was around Celine. Despite the barrier between them, they spent countless hours together, sharing stories, telling secrets, creating memories. David's fondest memory of the time they spent together came on her sixteenth birthday. They walked for hours to the canyon on the outside of town. The canyon floor was a hundred feet below them, and the canyon wall was steep. Celine was paralyzed, fearful of heights, but David was determined to take her down to the water below. She desperately wanted to close her eyes, but David reached through the fence and held her hand as they descended slowly.
    At the bottom, they took a swim in the river, splashing each other through the fence and looking on the riverbed for a gap in the fence large enough to swim through. Their search was fruitless, but they enjoyed every minute of it.
    After the swim, they huddled together against the fence. The sun had began to set, which alarmed David. He had an unreasonable fear of the dark, and wanted desperately to leave, but Celine insisted he stay. You helped me face my fear, she whispered in his ear as she cupped her hand in his through the fence. Let me help you conquer yours. That night they spent in the darkness of the gorge, hands cupped and huddled against the fence. David had wanted very much to tear the fence down and kiss her, but he never found the strength.
    She began to stir as the sun set in the western sky. “David...?” she asked sleepily, breaking him from thought.
    He didn't realize how much time passed. His game with the guys seemed hours ago. They'll come looking for me. He removed his hand from Celine's, which startled her.
    “You're leaving?”
    “I have to,” he sighed. “Look, I'll come back tomorrow, okay? I promise.”
    That night, he could barely sleep, same as every night. He so desperately wanted Celine by his side to keep him company and hold him close. She never will, he told himself every night. She might as well be half a world away. That fence keeps us apart forever.
    She was in his dreams that night, same as every night. Only in the dreams there was never a fence. Sometimes he dreamed of the two of them going to see a movie, her wearing the beautiful blue dress the tailor was making for him. Sometimes he dreamed of snuggling up to her in her hovel. It didn't matter to him. He'd give away his wealth for her. He'd give away his life to be with her.
    He woke the next morning to a knock on his door. He mumbled sleepily as he slipped out of bed and staggered to the door. The tailor burst into his room, flaunting around the completed dress.
    “You finished it?” David beamed. “That's awesome!”
    “Thank you,” she grinned humbly. “Now come and show me the lucky beauty who you're gonna give this dress to.”
    David froze. “I can't.”
    The tailor scowled as she sat the dress on his sofa. “What, too pretty for me to look at, is that it?”
    David stumbled over his words. “I, uh... she... it's just...”
    The tailor walked up to him and put her hand on his shoulder and laughed. “Don't get your shorts in a bundle, kid. I'm only teasin'. Go get her, Davey.”
    Go get her... Yeah, right...
    David watched her leave and sighed in relief. He scooped up the dress and left his house.
    “Going somewhere?” Mike asked as he tackled his friend at the doorway, startling him.
    “Whatcha got there, lover boy?” Jason asked mischeviously, grabbing the dress. “Oooh, who's the lucky gal?”
    “A-alison Waters,” David lied quickly. “I-it's a gift.”
    “You?” Kevin asked wide-eyed. “Alison? I would've never guessed, you player you.”
    “Anyway, I gotta go,” David said quickly. “Catch you guys in class.”
    He bolted away quickly, not leaving them time to follow. He walked all the way to the fence where Celine paced aimlessly.
    “David!” she whispered loudly, rushing to the fence.
    “Check it out,” he laughed, showing her the dress. “Here's your early birthday present. You'll be eighteen next week, right?”
    “Mmhm,” she nodded with a wide grin. “It's gorgeous, David.”
    “Just like you,” he flirted.
    She shied away in response, but David grabbed her hand. “Here.”
    He slid the dress through the bottom of the fence, careful not to rip it. She clawed at it and bundled it up in her arms before quickly trying it on.
    “You look stunning,” he gasped.
    “You think so?” she asked playfully. “Thank you, David. I love you.”
    The words made his heart sing, but he kept his composure. “I've gotta go to class now. See you this evening?”
    “You bet,” she giggled, fiddling with the dress as he left.
    He was late getting out of school, which made him worried that Celine would be upset. As he ran down the brick staircase leading inside the building, his friends called out to him.
    “Thank heavens you're okay!” Jason huffed as they ran over to him.
    “We thought that bitch killed you or something,” Kevin added.
    “What are you talking about?” he asked nervously. What's going on here?
    “We were over by the park when we saw one of those trash bags on the other side of the fence,” Mike explained. “It was wearing that dress you were going to give to Alison. We thought you got to close to the fence and she mugged you, or worse.”
    God, no...
    “We grabbed her and held her down until the police got there,” Kevin continued. “They took care of the thieving bitch real good.”
    “No...,” David cried. “You're not serious...”
    “How'd you get away okay?” Jason asked. “You ain't got a scratch or nothing.”
    “I gotta go,” David screamed as he bolted toward the fence.
    Celine... Oh God, Celine... What have I done...?
    It took him only a few minutes to reach the fence. He saw her sprawled on the ground, her blue dress stained red. Unconscious or dead, he couldn't know.
    “Celine!” he shouted as he rattled the fence. “Celine it's me! Please get up!”
    “Back for more, are ya?”
    A mob of “trash” appeared from the shadows, their hands full of rocks.
    “Come to the finish the job, he did.”
    “A life for a life. They sprayed the poor girl with bullets, let's stone this bastard to death!”
    Celine, he cried out internally as he grabbed two chain links and tried desperately to pull them apart.“She needs a doctor,” he shouted between breaths, doing his best to tear the fence down. “I can help her, if it weren't for this fence!”
    The first rock hit him in the shoulder, but he didn't even flinch. He wasn't concerned with stones. He tried to bend the steel with bare hands, but the fence wouldn't budge. “She needs me!” he screamed as he tore at the fence, fruitlessly, still being pelted with stones. One hit him in the forehead, busting it open in a spray of red. The blood invaded his eyes, taking his eyesight as the rocks still came. They shattered his body to pieces as he desperately clawed away at the unyielding fence, screaming out the name of his forbidden lover.



    I wrote this in one take without any prior planning whatsoever >_> Obviously it's weak, but whatever.

  16. #36

    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    The cons first:
    You begin showing rather than telling, and that in itself led to too many dialogue tags. That'll need a major revision.
    The Pros: It wasn't long until I was drawn into it, and the emotion is intense!
    Reminds me of those poems I made in the spur of a moment. Great job with something so unplanned.

  17. #37
    honk honk<-foxes say this Kitsune Inferno's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    <11:41:24> <+KitsuneInferno> Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Vorly White.
    <11:42:30> <+KitsuneInferno> Vorly White's father, King Smudge, married the Evil Queen Sabsy, which peeved Vorly White.
    <11:43:03> <+KitsuneInferno> Vorly White could not stand that her father loved another, so she poisoned him and blamed it on the Evil Queen.
    <11:43:38> <+KitsuneInferno> Vorly White ran into the forest and sought protection with the seven Dryishes that lived there.
    <11:44:04> <+KitsuneInferno> Distraught with Vorly White's treachery, the Evil Queen Sabsy sent her Huschman to cut out Vorly White's heart.
    <11:44:25> <+KitsuneInferno> but when he got there, the Dryishes had already pecked her eyes out.
    <11:44:49> <+KitsuneInferno> And the Evil Queen's husband was revived by the Huschman sacrificing his heart.
    <11:44:54> <+KitsuneInferno> The end.

  18. #38
    King Curmudgeon Dryish's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    : >
    In Loving Memory of Toraish, Rex Avium: http://apforums.net/showthread.php?t=40786 | 3DS Friend Code: 3196-4274-7836

  19. #39

    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    what a nice story kits .

  20. #40
    Discovered Stowaway vorlianis's Avatar
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    Default Re: Kitsune's Short and Sweet Works

    You're going to hell for this.

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