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Thread: Confession Session

  1. #181
    Pump-Action Pumpkin Jazzy Jinx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session

    I like to think that I truly am a pacifist at heart, though. I feel like I'm trapped in being this violent and intimidating person when all I really want to do is nurture. I plan on being an amazing father because I don't want my child to have to grow up the way I did or be exposed to the worst aspects of humanity so soon. I won't smother them but I will love them.
    Last edited by Jazzy Jinx; November 28th, 2010 at 01:34 PM. Reason: Because I want a daughter so badly, I'm probably going to end up with a son. Oh well...

  2. #182
    this is my design LaCaSiNa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session

    That is really brave of you, Uncle Kenny. I have also suffered from domestic abuse so I feel for you there. I was never manhandled by anyone, but after my father died my mom dated several abusive assholes and everything that happened to her felt like it was happening to me also. And when you've layed in bed with your mom next to you, crying, and his boyfriend sitting right next to you spouting filth and insults and exhaling cigarette smoke on top of you it starts to affect you too. That's not even the worst thing that has happened.

    As a result of this I'm sort of intimated by adult men, especially if I witness even the slightest sign of animosity in them.

  3. #183
    Back To Black Flux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session

    I don't do Pixar films or CGI Disney films. I also didn't get the fuss over Toy Story 3 and thought it was childish and ridiculously overhyped.
    Quote Originally Posted by sanji499 View Post
    I wonder what was Bale's reaction when the stunt double broke the imax camera?
    Quote Originally Posted by Silvers Rayleigh View Post
    In the United States we don't have much manga around, specifically One Piece, and mainly the newer chapters - Jan 2011

  4. #184
    King Curmudgeon Dryish's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session

    That post should deal with anyone who has or had something against you here, Kenny. I have to admit that there was something about you that irked me, and perhaps frightened me, quite strongly, but after reading the story behind your personality and self, I cannot do anything else than respect you and hope you nothing but good in the future. Sincerely, you made me feel bad for you. Nobody deserves that kind of life. Sounds annoyingly very cliché and adulatory, yes, but is not meant to be that.

    I am no psychologist nor even the right person to say this, but try to fight back and overcome the terrible experiences, which make you feel depressed and sinful, little by little. And if possible, try to make sure your past doesn't harm your future too strongly. And even if everything else caves in, you will always have friends to rely on. Don't be afraid to let them help you.
    In Loving Memory of Toraish, Rex Avium: http://apforums.net/showthread.php?t=40786 | 3DS Friend Code: 3196-4274-7836

  5. #185
    honk honk<-foxes say this Kitsune Inferno's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session

    I just came to realize how absolutely absorbed I am in fantasy.

    Almost every waking moment, if I'm not watching TV, playing a video game, or reading a manga, I am totally lost in thought either thinking of an anime or manga, or one of my stories.

    Hell, I hardly think of myself and Kitsune Inferno as the same people. I'm so disjointed from reality it scares me. Even in my dreams, "me" is never me.
    Last edited by Kitsune Inferno; November 28th, 2010 at 02:08 PM.

  6. #186

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Here is my confession I am 6'5", 220 lbs. and there's two of me.

  7. #187
    Back To Black Flux's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session

    Quote Originally Posted by Kitsune Inferno View Post
    I just came to realize how absolutely absorbed I am in fantasy.

    Almost every waking moment, if I'm not watching TV, playing a video game, or reading a manga, I am totally lost in thought either thinking of an anime or manga, or one of my stories.

    Hell, I hardly think of myself and Kitsune Inferno as the same people. I'm so disjointed from reality it scares me.

    I used to be like that. I mean I'd be totally absorbed by my manga and anime and favourite movies and series etc.

    In fact, to be totally honest, I've lost my love of Anime and manga a while ago. I don't want to feel this way but I can't help it. I can watch Anime episodes or read chapters, but I just don't have that drive to do it anymore. I want to love it again because the feeling of being immersed in One Piece story was a great one.

    I've begun to focus on RL much more with the time I've gained from it.
    Quote Originally Posted by sanji499 View Post
    I wonder what was Bale's reaction when the stunt double broke the imax camera?
    Quote Originally Posted by Silvers Rayleigh View Post
    In the United States we don't have much manga around, specifically One Piece, and mainly the newer chapters - Jan 2011

  8. #188
    honk honk<-foxes say this Kitsune Inferno's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session

    I need to spend some actual time IRL. Sure I have classes, but I ultimately don't spend as much time as I should outside of my fantasy worlds.

  9. #189

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Kenny, my best friend is a lot like you. So something tells me you're a pretty good guy at heart (though I've seen that in other threads prior, but I digress).

    Do you have any close friends irl?

  10. #190
    Pump-Action Pumpkin Jazzy Jinx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session

    Thanks everyone, for the kind words. I actually wasn't seeking pity or anything like that but it's nice to know that strangers are still able to feel empathy towards other strangers. For that, I thank you all.

    Quote Originally Posted by RPGJay View Post
    Kenny, my best friend is a lot like you. So something tells me you're a pretty good guy at heart (though I've seen that in other threads prior, but I digress).

    Do you have any close friends irl?
    Yes, actually. It took me until my sophomore year in high school to make a true friend but I finally managed to. Prior to that, I only had one friend in middle school and he consistently betrayed me so when I finally made a true friend I was estatic.

    My four closest friends are: John, Erick, Chris, and Stacey. In particular, Stacey has done a lot for me and I for her but I don't want to share her personal business without her knowledge. However, my closest friend is John who's like an older brother to me. He's gone through a lot of what I've gone through, some of it less bad and some of it worse.

    Here's a picture of all my best friends minus Stacey:

    Spoiler:


    From left to right: John, Erick, Chris, Me, and Dylan (my cousin). Dylan is the cousin that gave me the scar above my right eye but despite all the fights we've been in he's still like a little brother to me. I'm proud to say that he thinks of me as more of a brother than his own blood-related brother.


    And here's Stacey:

    Spoiler:


    I actually managed to get Stacey and Erick together and they've been going out ever since. It makes me happy because prior to Erick, she had some rather shitty tastes in men. I'd say she's almost as close or as close to me as John is. She's like a sister to me.


    It sounds corny but I love my friends.

  11. #191

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Is there's something corny about loving your friends, I don't want to be normal.

  12. #192
    Love Sick Melody Nami's Avatar
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    Kenny. A lot of the things you confessed goes for me, too. Mostly not in this strong way, but I can really feel what you're saying.
    But I still think you shouldn't hate yourself for your sins. You should love yourself because you have overcome this time. You should look into the future and tell yourself that you're different now. This is something you can be really proud about. A lot of people are 50years and still are like this what you were. I have an example for this.

    Last Monday a sat in a train. It was a cabin with 6 seats. I was sitting at the window and on the seat next to me was my jacket and my bag. In front of this seat layed my traveling bag. So 4 seats were still free.
    3 older people came in. 2men and one women. I listened to music so I didn't get it first but the man was yelling. He said that I'm bordering 4seats for myself. I yelled back that I only have two seats and then took the jacket and the bag from the seat on the table. He took my traveling bag, I yelled "Caution, there's glass in it!" and he really THREW it over me on this depot. I got furious, I yelled. I don't know what I exactly yelled. Something about he beeing an asshole. Then he sat down next to me and started to spread himself. I had his arm before my face. He read a newspaper- I got as near to the window as I could but I still could feel and smell him. So I asked "Would you please be so nice and sit on the other seat in front?" He said "I can sit where I want to sit" I saw that it was meaningless and let it slip. He grumbled something, I said "shut up" and put the music on again. After a while I noticed how it got harder to breath for me and suddenly my eyes started to wet. Panic attack. I tried it one more time. In a really nice tone I ask again "Please, could you sit on another seat, I can't breathe?" With my crying eyes and he just didn't reacted. He ignored me. I fully started to cry. I couldn't handle it anymore, I was screaming and tried to breathe and were crying like hell and started to shiver. So I stood up and went over the table to the other seat on the window. I yelled again "How can you be such a fuckin bastard?? I asked you really nice" I started to cough and shiver more. I tried to settle down myself without effect. He said in an arrogant tone "I'm a doctor" but he DIDN'T DO ANY FUCKIN THING to help me!!! What the fuck???
    I cried my eyes off. Other passangers noticed it and were comin in and asked if everything's fine. I explained them that this man came too close to me and wasn't changing the seat when I asked him to. They wanted to bring some porter but I said they should leave it be, I just need some time. After 10minutes I finally stopped crying. And my breathing was ok, too. I tried to close my eyes and sleep so I wouldn't have to see this man and his wife who said nothing at all. But everytime I opened my eyes again I just couldn't believe how someone can be like that. I said to them "When I'm as old as you I don't want to be such a bad person". 2 hours later they finally left th train. The last half hour I was with them I played DS with the music on FULL LOUD. I thought perhaps I could annoy them a little bit with that..

    So.. normally I wouldn't acknowledge that I cried in public. And especially not because of something like that. I wonder myself why I panicked so much about that. Normally I can take things like that.
    But I'm afraid of older men for special reasons I'm not sure I should mention here. It's not that I would have a problem with saying it. I just don't want other to think I want to act up or need some charity. I don't need that. I can't buy anything from charity.

    but well... I think I forgot what I actually wanted to say... Oh dear..

    Visit me on Facebook: Heart'n'Skull

  13. #193

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Alright. I'm ready to face and talk about something that really bothers me:

    Spoiler:

    When I was like 8 or 9 I didn't know what french kissing was. So then my cousin, also a male who is two months younger than me, showed me by doing it with me. So then when I went to his house we would always go into his room and kiss. This went on for a while until we just stopped for some reason. Don't remember why. I guess I was gay for that period of time. I'm not anymore. Me and my cousin don't talk about it and I'm not sure whether he is gay or not. I didn't think much of it before, but now it disturbs me to know that I kissed another guy. My cousin at that!
    Unintentionally keeping everyone at a distance.

  14. #194

    Default Re: Confession Session

    It's not that bad. I knew a friend of a friend who did the same thing to his female cousin. And he was 15 at the time.

    But I digress it isn't something you should worry about. Kids do all sorts of crazy things y'know?

    Besides, everyone is at least a little gay.

  15. #195
    Pump-Action Pumpkin Jazzy Jinx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session

    @Nami: I'm very sorry you had to deal with an asshole like that. It's truly sickening when total strangers have the audacity to be jerks to someone. I'm not targetting you specifically but there are people out there with weaker hearts that are on the precipice of suicide and the only thing they need to follow trough is some random asshole being a jerk. This is why I don't bully anyone and I apologize sincerely whenever one of my immature jokes offends somebody.

    My ex-girlfriend was prone to panic attacks so I know how it must feel. A huge reason I'll never go on a train ride alone again is because it just freaking sucks. You need someone you care about (at least remotely) there to keep your sanity together. I hate solitude so much and yet people still isolate me. The reason I keep my sins in mind is because I don't want to feel like I deserve to have someone break the ice with me. It's selfish, but keeping my sins in mind actually lightens the pain of being alone.
    Last edited by Jazzy Jinx; November 28th, 2010 at 04:43 PM. Reason: @Manny: I don't have the right to comment.

  16. #196

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Personally, I like some time to myself. Gives me time to think about things that I enjoy thinking about. Some people (particularly my parents) say that I spend too much time alone, but I don't care. At the end of the day I know that I find happiness in my solitude. I don't like spending too much time with people. I guess I'm just a loner.
    Unintentionally keeping everyone at a distance.

  17. #197
    Love Sick Melody Nami's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session

    well, I just seal this monday as an assholeday and now I'm over it. In my teenage years this day would follow me over weeks.
    And this also is for me the reason I don't bully people. This and because I know how it feels to be the bullied one. But who doesn't know that..

    The thing is.. I really enjoy going by bus or train. I even love it. Since I was 14 I travelled a lot by train.
    It's more difficult for me to go by train with someone I know. Because at some point you don't know what to say anymore but you don't want to be so rude and sleep or put music on even so you really want that to do. It's exhausting to be with others..

    Visit me on Facebook: Heart'n'Skull

  18. #198
    Pump-Action Pumpkin Jazzy Jinx's Avatar
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    I feel like an asshole now because I'm not much of a talker so when I run out of stuff to say I just don't talk. I was more referring to ridiculously long trips like the one I took, anyways. It was 36 hours there and 36 hours back. I could literally feel my brain deteriorate but I didn't have music or a DS so that probably contributed to it.
    Last edited by Jazzy Jinx; November 28th, 2010 at 04:54 PM. Reason: It does feel awkward when I run out of stuff to say on the phone, though. Especially when the person calling isn't talking.

  19. #199

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Well, I have been keeping this for a while, but I had other accounts beside this one. I never used two at the same time, but with problems in real life, I wanted to start over, so hence new accounts and new emails. My first account on AP forums was "nessfromhyrule" (Somewhere around in 2007?) I asked that account to be banned after some time. I came back after that as "herolucas" (which I had for only a few posts, and stopped using it by changing the password to something else so that I won't remember it.) And the account after that was "windtriforce" (an admin knew about this account since I told them, but not the the "herolucas" one) which after some time I did the same thing as with the other account with changing the password and such. I decided after that to be gone of "nessfromhyrule" and come back as a new name, which was "fxjoey0" but due to problems in real life, I asked to have that account to be banned. This is my final account, and I stopped doing these kinds of things. I'm really sorry to everyone here about these extra accounts.

  20. #200

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Why can't us loners ever find eachother irl?

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