Confession Session

[RobbyBevard]

I know, i just don't want to always burden you with my issues babe. I kind of feel guilty when i dump my stuff on you all the time. Especially when you have stuff on your shoulders too.

That's the entire point. You give her some of your problems, she gives you some of hers, and you support each other and make things easier, even if there's nothing you can actually do about their problems. Sometimes its heavier for one or the other, but its all about the trust and the consolation and whatnot. That's the good stuff.

Just be sure to share the fun stuff too.

Another day drifts by and I continue to imperil my dream. I feel lost, scared, angry, disappointed that I'm letting this happen, but at the same time I'm upset that I'm putting too many of my eggs into one basket. It's the same reason I'm a failure; I'm too one-track-minded. I mean I've been running off of the greatest motivation in the world for the past year, but there's this feeling of uncertainty that's keeping me from really pushing myself to take charge. I'm going to run out of steam and give up, I just know it.

I'll force you to sign a contract that says if you give up, I get to kick you where it hurts.

That'll keep you motivated.

[Smudger]

That's the entire point. You give her some of your problems, she gives you some of hers, and you support each other and make things easier, even if there's nothing you can actually do about their problems. Sometimes its heavier for one or the other, but its all about the trust and the consolation and whatnot. That's the good stuff.

Just be sure to share the fun stuff too.

Thanks Robby, I think i need to be reminded of this far way more often than i deserve at this point. But yeah the good times deinately overshadow the bad/tough.

[Kitsune Inferno]

Oy thanks guys. Sorry about being vague and all, it's really nothing. Today's just been one of those down-in-the-dumps days that surprisingly don't come as often as they used to.~

[THE SEA]

I have been a voyeur so I am going to let you voyeur back at me.
As I reached the age of 20, I decided to make a crucial turn. The last 3 years were the stormiest years of my (short) life. 3 years since I decided to become a comic artist. 3 years since I joined this forum. Funny. I was so passionate and determined, and never thought that I would give it up. But I am not going to walk that path anymore. 3 years full of misery and conflict with occasional flashes of joy. I have been deceiving myself. Whatever I have been doing, I did with superficial seriousness.

But I don't regret it one bit. They have given me precious perspectives. Insights that I would have never known from a Buddhist perspective. They drove me back to poetry. I have never loved studying and learning and knowing and truth as much as I do now, like a drowned man thirsting for air. I have never taken my life as deeply serious as I do now.

Even though I wasn't always honest about it, I have always considered myself a genius. And in the next 10 year I am going to make myself the guy with largest ego on Earth. And also the greatest genius on Earth. Then I will do the hardest thing on Earth that is to lose the largest ego. To know truth and make it known to others. Then spend the rest of my life working for positive social change, advocating empathy and unity.

I am going to change the world. I am going to change the way people look at the world. And I am going to first be the change I want to see in the world. Or die trying.

[Monkey King]

[Chillanuggets]

I have been a voyeur so I am going to let you voyeur back at me.
As I reached the age of 20, I decided to make a crucial turn. The last 3 years were the stormiest years of my (short) life. 3 years since I decided to become a comic artist. 3 years since I joined this forum. Funny. I was so passionate and determined, and never thought that I would give it up. But I am not going to walk that path anymore. 3 years full of misery and conflict with occasional flashes of joy. I have been deceiving myself. Whatever I have been doing, I did with superficial seriousness.

But I don't regret it one bit. They have given me precious perspectives. Insights that I would have never known from a Buddhist perspective. They drove me back to poetry. I have never loved studying and learning and knowing and truth as much as I do now, like a drowned man thirsting for air. I have never taken my life as deeply serious as I do now.

Even though I wasn't always honest about it, I have always considered myself a genius. And in the next 10 year I am going to make myself the guy with largest ego on Earth. And also the greatest genius on Earth. Then I will do the hardest thing on Earth that is to lose the largest ego. To know truth and make it known to others. Then spend the rest of my life working for positive social change, advocating empathy and unity.

I am going to change the world. I am going to change the way people look at the world. And I am going to first be the change I want to see in the world. Or die trying.

Good luck my egotistically ambitious friend. When you became a profoundly prominent figure in the early future, I will certainly be honored to have witnessed the origins of such an aspiration (or the jist of it, anyway) and observe the outcome of your undefined path to what I presume is ultimate enlightenment; in the meantime, I shall look out for any update of your progress whenever I have the time, lol. (If you choose to release such information on such regular bases in the first place, that is..)

[Silence]

The Sea is deep indeed.

[Noqanky]

I have been a voyeur so I am going to let you voyeur back at me.
As I reached the age of 20, I decided to make a crucial turn. The last 3 years were the stormiest years of my (short) life. 3 years since I decided to become a comic artist. 3 years since I joined this forum. Funny. I was so passionate and determined, and never thought that I would give it up. But I am not going to walk that path anymore. 3 years full of misery and conflict with occasional flashes of joy. I have been deceiving myself. Whatever I have been doing, I did with superficial seriousness.

But I don't regret it one bit. They have given me precious perspectives. Insights that I would have never known from a Buddhist perspective. They drove me back to poetry. I have never loved studying and learning and knowing and truth as much as I do now, like a drowned man thirsting for air. I have never taken my life as deeply serious as I do now.

Even though I wasn't always honest about it, I have always considered myself a genius. And in the next 10 year I am going to make myself the guy with largest ego on Earth. And also the greatest genius on Earth. Then I will do the hardest thing on Earth that is to lose the largest ego. To know truth and make it known to others. Then spend the rest of my life working for positive social change, advocating empathy and unity.

I am going to change the world. I am going to change the way people look at the world. And I am going to first be the change I want to see in the world. Or die trying.

Well I'd rather you didn't die trying, not enough people with balls exist in the world for them to be just dying in the attempt to change things.

[Enzeru]

"Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes.

The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them.

About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward.

Maybe they have to be crazy.

How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?

We make tools for these kinds of people.

While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."

Go for it, Sea.

[GypsyCarts]

Whatever you're smoking, Sea, I really want some.

[The Beast]

I don't.

[Tsukishima]

Good luck on your new path The Sea, even if I seriously doubt it'll last long.

[Silverblade]

All I can do is wish you best of luck, Sea.

Whatever you're smoking, Sea, I really want some.

I don't.

And then lol, just a tiny bit, but lol at this.

[Riddler]

I don`t know too many people here personally, so it`s a little hard for me to post here, but here we go:

Since about fours years, I`m deeply in love with my best friend, even though I know that she`ll always just see me as a friend, nothing more. And it`s just killing me, whenever I`m having a good time with her, I wish for something more, for her to fall in love with me, even though I know thats never going to happen. She made that absolutely clear. Once, she came right out and asked me if I was in love with her and I just denied it. Because I knew that would forever ruin our friendship. And thats the problem; I sometimes think that it would be best for me to just end all contact to her, to star fresh, the only way it seems to finally get over her. But she is the only person I can talk to about my problems (well except this one of course) and really my best friend. Losing her as a friend would rip a giant hole in me, too. Not to mention that it would feel crappy to just leave her like this, because I`m her best friend, too.

I mean, things were even harder when we were in highschool. When she broke up with her boyfriend, I was there for her, always comforting her and she could talk to me about anything. And then she ended up back together with her boyfriend! And then they broke up again! And they ended up back together! And so on and so on, and each time, she became more and more of a desperate, crying mess. But you can`t imagine how much the whole thing started to hurt me. Whenever they got back together again, it was like something in me shattered. I slowly got more and more depressed. I started to just snap at everybody or stopped talking for days. One time, after I came home from school and nobody was there, I took as much liquor as I could find and drank until I passed out.

Today, things are a bit better, probably because I`m a bit older and more mature now. I sometimes feel really happy, like everything is finally going right in my life. But then, I suddenly have extreme mood swings, triggered by pretty unimportant , small things and turn all depressive and bitter again *sigh* It`s annoying because I feel like I`m hindering myself from finding any happiness in life.


Yeah, I needed to get that off my chest for once^^

[RobbyBevard]

Riddler, sometimes you need to take a risk. Not knowing any details aside from what you just described, right now your relationship seems to me to be based on a false foundation. How is that fair to either of you?

She asked you if you loved her, and you denied it? You don't think there was the ghost of a chance that she might have had a reason for asking?

In what way has she made it perfectly clear that it will never happen?

No one can tell you what to do--and I'm not trying to tell you either. If you don't feel strong enough, you can't--but it seems to me you are selling yourself short. You deserve more. I believe that if you don't make the attempt to ask or try, you will probably regret it for the rest of your life. You deserve love in your life, and so does that girl. If its not going to be with her, then it's time to find out, so you can go out there and find the one it will be with. You never know though--it could work out. Maybe she wanted you to say yes back when she asked you--maybe that was her safe way to ask.

Tell her you like her. be casual about it. Let it just serve as a compliment, and don't press the issue. If its awkward, it will only be for a moment. You've been friends for years, 2 minutes of awkward will be fine.

I know a girl, and one of her best friends decided he was in love with her, and when she didn't feel the same, he just abandoned her entirely and they never spoke again. And that's lame. You can like a girl deeply and still just be friends.

You are worthy of love. If this girl isn't the one to give it to you, you ought to know, rather than angsting over it for months and years. (many people have been able to stay best friends even after they dated and broke up) Better for it to hurt tomorrow after having tried, than to still be wondering "what if" a year from now.

If you get a concrete answer, yes or no, either way you can move on and get past it. I've been in love a handful of times. Each time its been genuine and true. And losing the girl ultimately hurt... and then I moved on and eventually found someone else to like. One of my exes I never talked to again (mostly because she wasn't honest about the relationship in the first place) while another is still one of my best friends to this day.

You can tell a girl you love her, and its not the end of the world if she doesn't feel exactly the same way back.

[THE SEA]

egotistically ambitious friend.

That is me in a nutshell. Egoistic, ambitious but friendly. You forget 'ingenious' though.

ultimate enlightenment

It's people like Karl Marx or Lenin that had the largest impact on the world, not the Dalai Lama or Krishnamurti. I hate it, but politics and economy run the world.
Enlightenment is physiological phenomenon (or spiritual, depend on what source of information you read) we can't get if we desire it. Maybe if someone tried his hardest and then give up and loses all his will, he may get it, yet even that depend on chance, not effort, competence nor knowledge. It is like chasing after a shadow. But it is a matter of the last half of my life.

Maybe by then if I am still alive I may tell you a little story about a passionate young men who just wanted to follow the way of art, but life drove him to the whirlpool of conflicts. Every true artist hates politics, but seeing the situation of his country, his society, as someone who has read Marx to every comma and parenthesis, he decided that he can't just sit around and hope for a 'G' to appear in this country out of nowhere.

His mother prayed to God for this 'ghost' (manga) to stop haunting him. She genuinely worried for his future. His father threatened to disown him if he chose manga, simply because having a son following such an 'inferior' career would make him look bad to his friends.
He wonder "Does my father love me or simply love what I can do for his name?" Something is wrong with his society. He began to look at problems of his country, his world from a larger perspective.

He knew he can't live for his parents, but he had to repay them first. He couln't just say: "Whatever! Screw you!" The way of art has been lost. He came back to his teenager scholarly passion.
"Okay! I will join the communist party, and..."

Whatever you're smoking, Sea, I really want some.

It's called genius.

I don't.

The next time I post here I will speak in at least 8 languages.

[I survived the buster call]

Robby... (sigh).

You are a very good man.

[igetownd]

I have been a voyeur so I am going to let you voyeur back at me.
As I reached the age of 20, I decided to make a crucial turn. The last 3 years were the stormiest years of my (short) life. 3 years since I decided to become a comic artist. 3 years since I joined this forum. Funny. I was so passionate and determined, and never thought that I would give it up. But I am not going to walk that path anymore. 3 years full of misery and conflict with occasional flashes of joy. I have been deceiving myself. Whatever I have been doing, I did with superficial seriousness.

But I don't regret it one bit. They have given me precious perspectives. Insights that I would have never known from a Buddhist perspective. They drove me back to poetry. I have never loved studying and learning and knowing and truth as much as I do now, like a drowned man thirsting for air. I have never taken my life as deeply serious as I do now.

Even though I wasn't always honest about it, I have always considered myself a genius. And in the next 10 year I am going to make myself the guy with largest ego on Earth. And also the greatest genius on Earth. Then I will do the hardest thing on Earth that is to lose the largest ego. To know truth and make it known to others. Then spend the rest of my life working for positive social change, advocating empathy and unity.

I am going to change the world. I am going to change the way people look at the world. And I am going to first be the change I want to see in the world. Or die trying.

i got really pissed at you for arguing that i dont feel true anger
but now that i know you are 19 it makes sense why you were so egotistic

however i feel that losing that large ego will just come of age rather than becoming enlightened
if you truly want to be enlightened you must rid yourself of earthly desires such as money and sex
and you will realize that the largest ego on earth is not held by the greatest genius in history
but by the frog that never lived outside of his well

perhaps i am being egotistic by preaching my ideas
yes it is quite possible
but i accept that i can be very wrong and vow to change if i need to

[Riddler]

Riddler, sometimes you need to take a risk. Not knowing any details aside from what you just described, right now your relationship seems to me to be based on a false foundation. How is that fair to either of you?

She asked you if you loved her, and you denied it? You don't think there was the ghost of a chance that she might have had a reason for asking?

In what way has she made it perfectly clear that it will never happen?

No one can tell you what to do--and I'm not trying to tell you either. If you don't feel strong enough, you can't--but it seems to me you are selling yourself short. You deserve more. I believe that if you don't make the attempt to ask or try, you will probably regret it for the rest of your life. You deserve love in your life, and so does that girl. If its not going to be with her, then it's time to find out, so you can go out there and find the one it will be with. You never know though--it could work out. Maybe she wanted you to say yes back when she asked you--maybe that was her safe way to ask.

Tell her you like her. be casual about it. Let it just serve as a compliment, and don't press the issue. If its awkward, it will only be for a moment. You've been friends for years, 2 minutes of awkward will be fine.

I know a girl, and one of her best friends decided he was in love with her, and when she didn't feel the same, he just abandoned her entirely and they never spoke again. And that's lame. You can like a girl deeply and still just be friends.

You are worthy of love. If this girl isn't the one to give it to you, you ought to know, rather than angsting over it for months and years. (many people have been able to stay best friends even after they dated and broke up) Better for it to hurt tomorrow after having tried, than to still be wondering "what if" a year from now.

If you get a concrete answer, yes or no, either way you can move on and get past it. I've been in love a handful of times. Each time its been genuine and true. And losing the girl ultimately hurt... and then I moved on and eventually found someone else to like. One of my exes I never talked to again (mostly because she wasn't honest about the relationship in the first place) while another is still one of my best friends to this day.

You can tell a girl you love her, and its not the end of the world if she doesn't feel exactly the same way back.

Thanks for your reply! Yeah, she actually told me she only sees me as a friend and nothing more when she asked me if I loved her. I think it`s reasonably to say that we`ll never end up together and that my dreams of that are an illusion. Sadly though, reason and emotions don`t always work well together and there is always this small, stupid hope in me. This would be much easier, if it wasn`t also my best friend we`re talking about. Normally I could just tell the girl and get over it, no matter what her response would be, there would be no risk. But risking the best friendship I ever had without having any chance for success? It may be the honest way, but I think it would destroy our relationship completely.

I do feel bad about lying that one time. I was a scared teenager back then, what do you expect If this moment would happen again in present time, I`d tell her the truth. But I don`t want to unnecessarily force the issue. See, I`d completely agree with everything you`re saying, if there was the slightest chance she would share my feelings, but that chance just isn`t there. She`s also pretty brave in such things herself, she probably would have made the first step by now if she would love me.

[RobbyBevard]

Thanks for your reply! Yeah, she actually told me she only sees me as a friend and nothing more when she asked me if I loved her.

Well, if she clearly told you, then she clearly told you. Though I still say it's suspicious that she was asking if you felt more. That might have just been her way of not risking anything.

If that is the case, accept that fact, get depressed and stew on it for a week or two, listen to some blues, embrace the fact that its not going to happen and DO feel bad about it for a while, and then move on. If it helps, just block yourself from talking to her for a few days. Don't tell her you're doing it, just stop being addicted for a bit. It takes a while and its gradual, but it DOES pass as long as you actually accept it.

A couple weeks of sadness is far better than months (or years!) of empty anticipation. I have been there, it is NOT a good place. If you really are such good friends, she'll understand, and the moment will pass. She'll be flattered, and eventually you'll stop feeling a dying need to be in love with her, and just love her in a different way.

It is entirely possible to love a girl, have her tell you she doesn't feel the same, and then just be friends. You can still love her without it being romantic. Just promote her to "your favorite cousin" or "the sister I never had" inside your head. Hard as it is to believe, the feeling DOES fade eventually, as long as you accept it and don't keep saying "what if."