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Thread: Confession Session

  1. #1021
    the answer is synthetic. zachri's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session

    @ Flux + Nolus I s'pose - lol what the hell? that's crazy! last time it happened was last week, we were watching a video about a school that specialized in mortuaries and they were showing how they reconstructed the faces and showed the faces before and after and I wasn't watching and peeked every now and then and looked at the wrong moment and saw a cancer face... then after about a minute I was out. No idea how long I was out for, but my entire body shut down so it was kinda embarrassing :|
    the entire class vacated thankfully, and my R.S teacher (bless him, he didn't even know I'd passed out cause he was at the opposite side of the class) had to take his form somewhere else. they had no idea who it was X'3 bless.
    worst time was last year in English. we were talking about miracles (MoThEr FuCkInG MiRaClEs, MaN) but they were like... ergh. not about to remember it. but because I'm paranoid if someone talks about something like that, then it's almost as if I can feel that pain D'X ttly passed out on someone and they shoved me into the radiator... a-hole. oh well. it got to the point where all my teachers now know and I have a pass to go to the office and see someone if I feel like I'm going to pass out. kinda f**ked if I'm in English, Maths, Art, Graphics, and maybe R.S. Science and I.T are rather close to the office thank god. I've passed out on about... 4+ teachers. oops.

    @ Eerie - can't really help it, just nerves. it's alright (but awkward also) if the person I'm talking to has a lazy eye.
    The connexions woman kinda looks just past your head... whether that's intentional or not, it actually helps.

    Thou shalt be ended in the name of the League of zachri & the Lawfare arm-y.

  2. #1022
    Pump-Action Pumpkin Jazzy Jinx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session

    About the eye contact thing and confidence in general, you could always just try being silly. There's a reason that the class clown is usually the most popular person, it's because silliness is an easy way of showing that you're approachable and can be talked to. Like, obviously don't go overboard with it or anything but don't be stuck-up or too reserved either. We're all human beings, we won't eat you.

    Awkwardness is only really an issue if one of the people are pressing it. Like for instance, if someone thought I was looking them in the eye too much and told me, I'd ask if I should look at the wall instead and if they kept being stale towards me then that would be their fault. If you're willing and able to resolve the awkwardness but the other person is still making you feel like shit then you shouldn't blame yourself.

    You should just kick their ass. >=9

    Quote Originally Posted by JERK DISEASE View Post
    She sounds like a shitheel and you shouldn't have put up with that.
    And that sounds like a bad relationship in every sense.

    And I wouldn't worry about "wanting a low self esteen girl" because it's pretty clear you had lower self esteem and she was using that.
    Yeah, I made a lot of mistakes. It definitely was a massive learning experience for me, though. In retrospect, even if I could have resolved the issues that she kept pestering me about (which was just stuff in general I had no power to control) then it still wouldn't have worked out because she would have just found something else to pin on me. And like I said, I did everything in my power to make it work which is why I've learned to tell people now that relationships are a two-way street. No amount of effort on one person's part is enough, both have to contribute to the stability of the relationship.

    Though honestly, I don't think she was a shitty person. She was just ignorant to the ways of the world. She reminded me a lot of myself when I was younger and seemed to be dealing with a lot of the same problems that I dealed with. That might have been another reason why I was so attracted to her because when I was younger, all I really wanted was somebody to hold on to. But she would never listen to my advice because she wanted to make her own mistakes. And ya know, I respected that because sometimes the only way to learn is to just find out the reality for yourself. Still, that was a very frustrating thing to deal with because I knew the solutions to her problems and she just wouldn't listen.

    But yeah, I learned a lot. I've made a lot of promises to myself after it ended with the most important one I think being that I'm not going to take that kind of treatment again. I still believe in compromise but the relationship was too one-sided and that's not okay. By the way, I'm glad to see you participating in the conversation here (you and Holy). Sometimes I go off tangent and say incredibly stupid shit so it's nice to know that you're around because you usually put shit in place.
    Last edited by Jazzy Jinx; January 23rd, 2011 at 01:22 PM.

  3. #1023
    Royal Pain~ Chrissie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Kenny View Post
    About the eye contact thing and confidence in general, you could always just try being silly. There's a reason that the class clown is usually the most popular person, it's because silliness is an easy way of showing that you're approachable and can be talked to. Like, obviously don't go overboard with it or anything but don't be stuck-up or too reserved either. We're all human beings, we won't eat you.
    This. Also if you are too shy to try and be silly, you could try something different: Be helpful to anyone who needs help. Be careful though. You don't want to end up being used by people. It's basically my way of getting to know people because I am too shy in real life to even approach girls to meet them, so I just... give off(?) this air of friendliness and eagerness to help - that I am open to all. It's how I met most of my friends at the University. =D They approach me, I get to know them a bit and if I approve of their character, meaning I know they don't have ulterior motives and such, I let them to get to know me too... which ends up being a huge surprise to most and quite amusing to me. So basically I don't do much work at meeting people. I let them do all the work themselves. In the rare cases of me approaching people, they 95% of the time stay my friends. Because I am good like that.
    My 3DS Friend Code: 1091 - 8457 - 8212

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  4. #1024
    and 1001 2nd season GJardim's Avatar
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    @Chrissie
    Yea, I do the same as you. Begin good with the others is cool, begin recognized as a good person is wonderful, but it didn't mean that there weren't some jerks to annoy me.

    "No contaban con mi astucia"

  5. #1025
    Royal Pain~ Chrissie's Avatar
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    Exactly that GJardim XD I like helping people anyways so it's not like I am forcing myself to do it either. =P And there were plenty of jerks and bitches that annoyed me enough for me to strike out at them. They didn't enjoy it. ;P
    My 3DS Friend Code: 1091 - 8457 - 8212

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  6. #1026

    Default Re: Confession Session

    wow, that's exactly how it is for me.

    the main way i made my friends was through constant politeness and willingness to help, while trying not to let myself get used at the same time.


    and i really don't mean to sound big headed, but i reckon that's why i've made a lot of friends on the internet too.
    i mean, i instantly made an impression on some people here when i first started posting full-time, when i offered to add santa hats to avatars.
    and over the years i've been a mod and co-admin on a couple of sites, where i'm pretty popular too just because i'm the "nice one" lol.

    it seems every month i get new contacts or buddies that i can talk to on a one-to-one trustworthy level.

    i can still be an ass when it matters though.
    Last edited by MDL; January 23rd, 2011 at 03:12 PM.

  7. #1027
    Pump-Action Pumpkin Jazzy Jinx's Avatar
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    I think you're tolerable which is my reason.

    And I love you and stuff. <3
    Last edited by Jazzy Jinx; January 23rd, 2011 at 03:11 PM. Reason: I was always the "cool" admin that was closer to the members.

  8. #1028

    Default Re: Confession Session

    I was always the "cool" admin that was closer to the members.

    it's great, right?

    you have power yet you aren't totally detached. i love it.

  9. #1029
    Back To Black Flux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDL View Post
    wow, that's exactly how it is for me.

    the main way i made my friends was through constant politeness and willingness to help, while trying not to let myself get used at the same time.


    and i really don't mean to sound big headed, but i reckon that's why i've made a lot of friends on the internet too.
    i mean, i instantly made an impression on some people here when i first started posting full-time, when i offered to add santa hats to avatars.
    and over the years i've been a mod and co-admin on a couple of sites, where i'm pretty popular too just because i'm the "nice one" lol.

    it seems every month i get new contacts or buddies that i can talk to on a one-to-one trustworthy level.

    i can still be an ass when it matters though.
    I like you you're cool and watch good shows
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  10. #1030
    Pump-Action Pumpkin Jazzy Jinx's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MDL View Post
    it's great, right?

    you have power yet you aren't totally detached. i love it.
    [/I]
    I messed with people's avatars.~

    Opposite Day was the funnest.
    Last edited by Jazzy Jinx; January 23rd, 2011 at 03:29 PM. Reason: You would have gotten Rambo.

  11. #1031

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Quote Originally Posted by Flux View Post
    I like you you're cool and watch good shows
    gee, thanks

    i thought you were cool ever since i saw the buggy/joker sig lol.

    You would have gotten Rambo.
    I'm ok with this.

  12. #1032

    Default Re: Confession Session

    It's been a while since I've tried to reach out to people, but I remember that I was very well liked in my high school classes because I was an intelligent, dark-humored bastard. I don't think I would've had as good a time if I didn't learn how to be kind of a class clown, and I wasn't as stressed back then as I am now. To a certain extent, I'm this way here, and I've always been polite in courteous to any new person I meet to a fault.
    And it works, somewhat. I don't have too many deep conversations with people I've just met, but I've rarely been met with hostility because I don't like to come across as intimidating.
    Also, eye contact is good, though I still have a little trouble with it (I get easily distracted).
    EDIT: Also, I always practice being helpful in small ways, like picking up something someone dropped, or if someone is having trouble and I can tell them something to figure something out, I'll tell them.
    And as much as I hate my job (also McDonald's), I technically feel more comfortable giving customers suggestions where they can save money (where applicable, like they can get a combo instead of ordering everything separately) and letting 50 cents slide instead of being another corporate shill who only worries about money (you will never hear me suggestive sell. EVER, because I just can't do it, even though it's to my own detriment).
    ...Thank GOD my boss is so easy going.
    Last edited by ChesCa; January 23rd, 2011 at 07:43 PM. Reason: But yeah, I also have to be careful not to be used, and there were times were I had to let someone have it

  13. #1033
    check up from the neck up eerie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chocula View Post
    I'm not that shy or insecure but I hate eye contact, too. It's not like I look away for an entire conversation but I feel awkward if I keep looking someone in the eye more than 80% of the time.

    @eerie
    I bet if she wouldn't have had that issue she'd be a successful lawyer now.
    Well, I don't think anyone does it 100% of the time. That's kind of creepy.

    And the last part was more of a joke.

  14. #1034
    Shattered, Dislocated Bynums_kneecap's Avatar
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    oh man, surprised this thread is still alive and over 1000+ posts.

    comments:

    everybody make their friends different ways. man i started with such a cliche line. i've made all my friends through sports and because of my race. asian people just gravitated towards eachother. kinda dumb now i think about it, thats just how it was. im sure its that way for all yall and any other race.

    when you think back on high school and how dumb you thought other people were for trying to 'fit in' at the time you didnt think you were like that. like nah im this way cause thats me. but damn you think about it and its like yeah i did try to fit in.

    - i always look people directly in the eyes. sometimes ill fuck around and keep staring at them and force them to look away. sometimes girls will find you more attractive if you look them in the eyes more. i have no scientific evidence of this. but i do feel more of a connection if you let that look linger longer.

    - whoever need help, holla at me. i'm probably not the best person as far as being compassionate, understanding, forgiving but fuck it, im more of the person on the other side of the shoulder speaking. and sometimes you need to hear that. #whenkeepingitrealgoeswrong

    - i dont know too much of the community here, but theres one persons story where i cant figure out if the person is a guy/girl and is a lesbian or not. but yea i liked your story.



    anyways not sure if these are confessions, im just going to type a bunch of shit that happened to me recently. here comes the wall of text


    Spoiler:
    got drunk at a party where i knew two people, got desperate and started asking people if they had coke. probably not a good impression, but fortunately the third group of people i asked did have some. after the party ended i hung out with two girls and three guys at some dudes apartment. i never felt so lame in my life that i thought i would be desperate enough to hang out with people i didn't know just to do some coke.

    besides new years, that was the only time ive done any type of drugs for the past two months. which is pretty good for me.

    went to dave n busters for my little sisters 22nd birthday... i told her i'd take her out another time but she needed me (being >25) to get her underaged friends in. these are all the same group of girls who had crushes on me when they were at the age where dating was kissing and holding hands.

    i deliberately tried not to mingle or talk to any of them, but one of em got real drunk and kept following me the whole night. she'd keep hugging me, telling me how its been so long since she seen me etc. i put 20 dollars into a gamecard and just shot hoops for a long time, thinking she'd go away, but nahhhh. like i said, i don't like young girls, especially my sisters friends- would look weird to me with all her friends there anyways.

    closing time, i say my goodbyes and make sure my sister has a safe ride home and i try to sneak out the back. this girl follows me. she says her ride left a while ago and was in town from a break from school. she threw the whole 'i need a place to stay' shit.. alright so whatever, i take her in my car. at this point, im like fuck it. we're not in public anymore, i'm just going to go through with this. ''a morning of awkwardness is always better than a night of loneliness''

    halfway home down the freeway and she's throwing up chunks on the side of my car. so instead of hooking up, im bringing this girl water, holding up her hair, watching her destroy my bathroom all through the night.

    she had some tight jeans, and some weird but revealing fluffy looking shirt. i thought about changing her clothes, but who am i to judge comfort. it'd probably just be creepy if i did.

    friends came by in the morning to fire up the grill for the afc/nfc championship games. she woke up and did the walk of shame without having any shame. she felt real silly when she saw the side of my car, but i just lol'ed.. it aint no thang.

    i can't stand people who always you 'hey whats the name of that one song' and then proceed to hum a melody like 'na nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah~'

    no i dont understand you. dont ever ask me anything again.

    confession: im currently downloading the cardigans - first band on the moon album. i'm almost embarrassed.

    i was rooting against the steelers on sunday just so i wouldnt have to hear people say 'black and yellow, black and yellow' all day at my office

    an older woman, maybe mid 30s i think was coming onto me at the grocery market. maybe it was the helpless look i was giving out when i was staring at the meat section. she talks to me about recipes for 5 minutes and how she likes to cook for people. but i wussed out and didnt do shit. i just wasnt prepared for it. i had just got done working on my car and had some stupid shirt on that says 'think outside the bun' with some stained basketball shorts. new lesson, always be prepared.

    new years resolution was to get up early everyday and be more productive. but i tried waking up at 7am on a saturday and ended up taking a nap at noon that lasted til 5pm. kinda how i normally do it on a workday. kidding, sort of.

    i dont think i ever kissed anyone on new years.

    i keep a red container of gas in the back of my truck. shit holds like 3 gallons. my car creeps up on me and will die out. it's happened to me twice before, so i got that shit in case of emergency. yesterday that container got stolen with like 11 dollars worth of gas in it. man fuck.



    im sorry, im rusty. these are no where near as good as my other confessions. im not saying im unretired, but i guess ill pop in from time to time if this thread is still going off.
    defense wins championships.

  15. #1035

    Default Re: Confession Session

    I just realized something: my recent craving for attention might have been influenced by my college days.
    In my second year of college, my roommate left in the first quarter, and I spent the last two in complete isolation. Basically, I had made my own isolation chambers, only going out to eat and study.
    The next year, I had three roommates. Three. And they, as well as the friends I had in my anime club, ended up completely ignoring me.
    Let me explain:
    I tried to be sociable with my three roommates, bringing over comics for them to read, as well as letting them play my Wii. We got along well enough, sharing things. But then one day, they just stopped showing any interest in the things I've had, and then they just brought their own Wii that they could share between the three of them.
    Between the three of them.
    I don't know what brought on this change, since I was willing to share, and only brought my Wii home for the weekends, since they too went home on the weekends. But it just got worse. Whenever they played a game, I would watch and comment. Nothing obnoxious or loud, just sometimes giving advice on something. I might as well have been air. This was especially bad because someone would give the same piece of advice, the player would try it, and it would work and he would get the credit. This is how it always became, and I had no idea why. The worst of it was when they would talk to each other about going out for a few minutes while I sat on the couch listening, and the 'leader' of the group would invite the two other guys, then they'd head out.
    That seemed deliberate. And it really hit my pride. So much so that when the end of the year arrived and I moved out, I just went. I was the first to go, and nothing was said between us. Not even a good-bye. Despite such a nice start.
    Fuckers also lost three of my comic books when they rearranged the bookshelf they got. Their response: 'I dunno.'
    It only got worse when the whole of my anime club did the same to me. All, like, 18 people I had been with for 3 years talked before going out one night, and no one thought to include me, despite my being a member for so long.
    And I think that's why I hate not getting attention.
    Now that I realize this, it's really getting easier for me to not be bothered by a lack of response, because I already have people I can talk to, and I don't want assholes controlling how I think. I don't think the feeling will leave, but now I can work towards seeing a lack of response and not caring, which I think would only help my mental state.
    And yeah, that's that.

  16. #1036

    Default Re: Confession Session

    Quote Originally Posted by Cuddles the Dark View Post
    I tried to be sociable with my three roommates, bringing over comics for them to read, as well as letting them play my Wii. We got along well enough, sharing things. But then one day, they just stopped showing any interest in the things I've had, and then they just brought their own Wii that they could share between the three of them.
    Between the three of them.
    I don't know what brought on this change, since I was willing to share, and only brought my Wii home for the weekends, since they too went home on the weekends. But it just got worse. Whenever they played a game, I would watch and comment. Nothing obnoxious or loud, just sometimes giving advice on something. I might as well have been air. This was especially bad because someone would give the same piece of advice, the player would try it, and it would work and he would get the credit. This is how it always became, and I had no idea why. The worst of it was when they would talk to each other about going out for a few minutes while I sat on the couch listening, and the 'leader' of the group would invite the two other guys, then they'd head out.
    That seemed deliberate. And it really hit my pride. So much so that when the end of the year arrived and I moved out, I just went. I was the first to go, and nothing was said between us. Not even a good-bye. Despite such a nice start.
    Fuckers also lost three of my comic books when they rearranged the bookshelf they got. Their response: 'I dunno.'
    It only got worse when the whole of my anime club did the same to me. All, like, 18 people I had been with for 3 years talked before going out one night, and no one thought to include me, despite my being a member for so long.
    I'm really sorry to hear this because it's no doubt the worst feeling I know. I've been left out and ditched a lot by my friends in the past and it never ceases to hurt.

    Still my golden rule about it (as well as about everything) is just not to give up no matter what happens.

  17. #1037
    A real rain will come... Rank: Failed Mutineer JERK DISEASE's Avatar
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    an older woman, maybe mid 30s i think was coming onto me at the grocery market.
    Wow lol.
    Can't say I've ever heard of that. Lucky you I guess.
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  18. #1038
    Royal Pain~ Chrissie's Avatar
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    [YOUTUBE]rPGNhfePCXU[/YOUTUBE]
    Sorry. I couldn't help myself. :(

    Also... I laughed so hard when I listened to this.
    My 3DS Friend Code: 1091 - 8457 - 8212

    ~Rock and Roll~

  19. #1039

    Default Re: Confession Session

    I never heard of Christopher Walken till I saw the NC video about him.

  20. #1040

    Default Re: Confession Session

    I was responding to a post in General Discussion, but it sort of moved into territory that seemed unsuited to it. I don't really talk about this often and I usually avoid it, so consider it a confession.

    Quote Originally Posted by MDL View Post
    i'm also scared of the inevitability that my parents will die before me and leave me all alone.
    if i don't have a family of my own with a significant other at that point, i seriously don't know how i'd survive emotionally.
    Difficult subjects. Very inevitable, but without confrontation, I think for most people it's impossible to really think about. Probably for the best. But recently in my life I have been having to face the prospect of death, again. My father has been having heart difficulties and for a few weeks in Thanksgiving he was at the hospital, where he was undergoing Major heart surgery. By the end of it all, he was really recovering and by midway December, he was halfway fully recovered. But one night, a few days after Christmas, he began having difficulties again; his heart rate rose rapidly and would not fall. My father left in an ambulance and there wasn't much else to do but sleep. But I realized, laying in bed, that this did not seem a problem that would go away very easy.

    In the midst of it all I began to understand. It really is honestly strange, but it never occurred to me prior to all of this, but my father is going to die one day. I began thinking about the realities of it. It was strange, because it was not a new concept to me.

    Almost the entire time I was conscious enough to recognize and know mom, she was not well, she had major issues and that was always the reality of it. The inevitability of death was always a part of her. I remember very few times that anybody got excited about the prospect of recovery, or getting better. I never remember thinking, "mom is sick, but she is going to get well one day." I never remember thinking she was going to die, either, until I was older. I did not understand it to that extent. But the gravity of it all I could always feel. Those feelings of her mortality were ever present and stone cold in my face. When she did die, it felt so sudden though. After having grown so accustomed to her in that state, it was surreal for it to actually happen.

    It was terrible and sad, but it was nothing but incredible relief at the same time. I remember, possibly most of all, that even if dad was not happy, he was glad that it was at least over. There were all of these conflicting, complicated emotions. But dad was never the mortal one, he was always just alive and healthy. I think this is why I have a hard time relating the two and finding it easy to simply go "it's happened before, I can be stronger this time." It feels just as new and difficult as it did before, knowing he could die a few years down the line.

    He is not in any dangerous state of health at the moment, he has been fine for weeks now and I don't feel death encroaching any time soon. But lingering feelings remain and I have been confronted with the concept.

    Strangely, really, even as a child I had never found myself reaching religiously. Mother's death traumatized my sister quite a bit and she found herself a born again Christian by the time she was 12. Father found her rather annoying and she began attaching herself to other, Christian families who shared her beliefs and she would frequently start spending as much time as possible with them. Watching her jump from family to family became a black, running gag in my brother and I's lives and she frequently became an object of our derision. To this day we don't like her and she has little to do with us.

    But my brother and I never even had the idea of spirituality cross our minds. Mother had a very different effect on us and for years we were starker, colder, rigid. We were attracted to buddhism, mom's bookshelf (I mention mother's bookshelf frequently, it was one of the only physical heirlooms she left to us and with it a wealth of information) had many large digests on the subject, but aspects of it we could not very easily get into. But past a faint interest, nothing else regarding spirituality came into our lives. We never even entered a state of agnosticism. I blame it partially on my sister and her ridiculously unhealthy and cruel life.

    She left father, but we're still here for him. But we're both moving on in life. My brother already did once, but do to his own difficulties he has relocated back home for now. But I myself am moving by the end of the semester. Part of me feels awful that it has to come at a time like this, part of me feels we're leaving him alone. I'm not sure how that will work out, but regardless of father's sake, moving on with our lives is important to us. Most importantly, it's important to me.

    This implies my father lives basically alone. It's true. After mom, he had never had a single girlfriend as far as I knew and he just continued working on his career. Our aunt (my mother's sister) has lived with us since we moved to Tucson, but she is moving away too. I hate to imagine dad just alone but... Good luck dad. I can't be here for you forever. But I will try when I can.

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