Strange Cases Of Jonas Munroe (my web-comic)

[Cabtoonist]

In case you all were wondering where my avatar was from, it's from my own web-comic over at Deviant Art, It's called "The Strange Cases of Jonas Munroe"

which can be read here, http://cabtoonist.deviantart.com/gallery/24259879

tell me what you think negative or Positive comments, I don't care all Comments help one to make their comics better.

So, thanks.

[Cabtoonist]

A preview to what's just Inside Volume ONE of my series, I'm currently working on Volume Three, what do y'all think ?

[Cabtoonist]

Incase anyone cares, I just posted a new chapter which will kick off my longest story-arc so far...

http://cabtoonist.deviantart.com/gal...77986#/d3desx8 , which can be read here.

Thanks.

[Cabtoonist]

http://cabtoonist.deviantart.com/ [IMG][/IMG]

[Maron]

Incase anyone cares, I just posted a new chapter which will kick off my longest story-arc so far...

http://cabtoonist.deviantart.com/gal...77986#/d3desx8 , which can be read here.

Thanks.

Hey there.

I read the first couple of pages of your webcomic linked here. I like the Akira Toriyama influence in your work, and hey, buxom fighters are always cool! But I'd suggest working on your anatomy a bit and making that more solid so that the figures are more convincing. This is a post from April 2011 so I'm sure you've gotten better since then but if I were to still address a specific example of mistakes to avoid I'd point you to this page. Notice how the legs of the female character here are.

Also I'd suggest working on trying to make the panels have more of a smooth transition. From looking at the first couple of comics here I'd wager you love drawing bigger panels. That's nice but you can't do that too often because it doesn't leave room to have others really show up properly (like how that mustached guy shows up suddenly in the final panel of page 1).

Another thing I'd say is to use some black fills in your comic. I realize it's not completely a B&W comic with the watermelons and soundeffects in color but lack of black fills just makes it look like linework that you were too lazy to color. I'm sure this isn't the look you want to give off. Black fills give a sense of completeness and keeps readers aware that yes, it was intended to be seen this way.

But yeah those are my observations. I'm very much an amateur so I'm learning many things too! Keep drawing, I noticed the Deviant Art page doesn't seem to have been updated in a while.

[Cabtoonist]

Thanks for all the advice, I love getting feedback and will try to make some of those changes you mentioned.

No one is so perfect that they can't learn a few new tricks and tips every now and then, so thanks Maron.

[Maron]

No problem dude, we all could use some constructive criticism.

For what it's worth I'm continuing to read.

[ChesCa]

Hrm, after all that work you deserve a review, so I looked at the first two volumes of Strange Case.

I hate to say it, but I have almost nothing good to say :/

Just a fair warning:

Hidden:

For starters, the characters are pretty shallow and uninteresting and the love the sisters have for Jonas is tacked on and kind of...well dumb. It seems more like something ripped off from Tenchi or some harem anime.

Speaking of the sisters and Jonas, I have no attachment at all. I know they're supposed to be parodies of stock characters, but your style makes them bland instead of funny. It's so bad that when you did the near rape scene where you were also trying to play in some laughs, I was neither disgusted nor amused, just bored. You could've gone into graphic detail of what could've happened to them and it wouldn't bother me. And then there's Jonas, whose entire shtick is being an ass hat is just about his only shtick until the case with Mr. Deeds, and it gets old so SO fast. What's worse is that I know that's the arc where we're supposed to get attached to the characters and all that, but by then it's too late: the characters are nothing more than their stereotypes by that point. It would've been a lot better hook if you put it earlier in the story so that we the readers at least know his asshatness is just an act. Otherwise it's just a forced joke.

Then there's the missing dad. I know that's supposed to be a big deal and all but I don't care about him either. He's been brought up a few times sure but I don't really see the impact he had except for that necklace. When I mean see I mean SEE! It's like he's missing because.....drama I guess. Otherwise the family seems fine. When Megan talks about how Jonas is like her father and the mom looks shocked, I feel nothing. They talk about how heroic he is but I'm not even invested enough in the fights to double check whether he truly rescues the sisters or not. Did they even need rescuing all that often because I remember them doing fine on their own.

Also, how many panels are just characters talking and standing around during dialogue? Wouldn't it be more prudent to have more dialogue between two characters sharing the same panel with some background? It's not much but it stops the repetitiveness of just seeing character's faces a lot.

And the ghost tears thing.....having something that late in the story feels more like it was pulled out the bum more than anything. Once again you could benefit from having that arc earlier and establishing ghost powers. Might was well since it seems you want the ghost to be a more important character. In fact having that arc earlier and using Jonas to save Claire could give the two sisters a really good reason to fall in love and trust him.

That said, I do have some good: you are very determined and put out a lot of work and your art is getting better. That's what makes or break a story. Anyone could have the talent but you are shooting for skill and dedication too, and without looking at your later work I can easily assume you can do much better than what you've given so far. It seems like a rough draft of your vision so far and I would like to see you be more ambitious with what you can put in it and how much you can develop things. While I do criticize the Deeds arc I see it as the direction you SHOULD be going and I would think that if you want to redo the first two volumes in the future that you should give that arc your all. Adventures like that would go a long way in defining how your story will go and how much it will improve.

Also I'm writing this on the fly after reading 124 pages so if something seems confusing or unfair let me know.

At a later date I'll check out your Oeste stories :)

[Maron]

I've since caught up and found myself agreeing with Cuddles...

Also, was this necessary?



Things like this really stand out, man. And it's not the only example I noticed either. If you want people to take you seriously (which I'd say you do seeing as you're apparently self-publishing work) you shouldn't be doing this.