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Thread: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

  1. #1
    -COLATECHOCOLATECHOCO- Sai-chan's Avatar
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    Default The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    Uh. Well. I don't have all that many writings to contribute to this section, and really all my writings are either assignments or spur of the moment stuff, but I figured it'd be a good idea have a place to at least post my random works than spam other places with it.

    Here's a poem I did last year~

    Spoiler:
    My Baby

    Loveless and lost in myself
    Naught a thing to hold
    No hope shed a light on my soul
    No beauty into my world
    Never had a man come to my side
    Never had another given me chance
    Life is what I wanted
    The life of a baby born
    But none would heed my call
    My desperate plea for a baby
    I desire motherly nature
    But nature desires not me
    Year and year, one after another
    Still no soul responds
    Deep in my dark hole I crawl
    Deep in my soul I sob
    More and more time passes me by
    Seconds like hours, minutes like days
    And one day I found myself
    Within the arms of my dream
    I found a giver
    A giver of life for me
    He gave me blood red roses
    How I cherished thee
    I kept a rose with me
    At every hour I could
    Waiting for the life
    to be born
    A rose for each day passed
    And a rose each day dead
    The lump grew bigger and bigger
    For every rose passed
    After weeks and weeks
    And months galore
    My lump could grow no more
    In a bed I lay
    The pain incredible
    But every second didn't matter
    Any pain insignificant
    As long as I could have my baby
    The pain could go on forever
    I push and push
    Screaming, crying, desperate
    My baby, I can see
    In the arms of the doctor
    My hands hold my sweet dream
    Close to my chest
    I lay my ear on my baby
    And listen for that sweet beating
    But nothing I hear
    I check his neck and his wrist
    But my baby is not beating
    My baby is a corpse
    No, no, it couldn't be
    Not after so long a wait
    But it was my fault my baby
    Is no longer awake
    Roses pass by my eyes
    And over the months
    Dozens gather over my room
    All dead, only one in bloom
    It's my fault, my fault
    All my fault
    I did this,
    Only me
    It doesn't matter how many tears fall
    How many rivers come
    I did this
    And I should pay
    My red rose in my hand
    I fingered the thorns
    And it's pointed end
    One hand on my stomach
    The other held the rose
    I smiled, soon it would be over
    Thrusting fast and quick
    I shoved the flowery quill
    And the dead roses rose red again
    Sweet iron filled my senses
    And a petal fell on my heart
    I felt no pain
    None at all
    I got what I wanted
    Revenge for My Baby


    The poem was for an english assignment. We had to write something dark, gothic and Edgar Allan Poe inspired. The poem itself is about a woman who's depressed and wishes to have a child to (hopefully) fill the void, but no man would ever give her one. After much time passes, she finally gets a man who will give her a child. This man gives her a red rose everyday to show his love. Once her baby is born and she finds out it's stillborn, she blames herself. She thinks it's her fault her baby died, and kills herself with one of the roses.

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    Pump-Action Pumpkin Jazzy Jinx's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    Hmm... I like it. Overall, the writing itself is pretty shaky but what I like about this is what it speaks to me. I can tell through your vision and how you describe things that you're an artist and that gives a soul to your writing. Especially the imagery, without a doubt that's your strongest area. Honestly, I'd recommend writing a few excerpts or short stories with descriptions in mind. If you can improve your basic foundation then you could write something deep and beautiful.

    Nice work, Sai-Sai.~

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    -COLATECHOCOLATECHOCO- Sai-chan's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    Thanks Kenny! I was pretty nervous posting this, so I'm glad you like it. <3

    When I write, I tend to just write whatever comes to me. Imagery, descriptions, annotations, rhymes, and all that; I have no intention of writing them when I start to write something, they just kinda happen. When I try to get down to the little details and actually think what I'm writing, it gets just a little difficult for me. However, I think I'll take your advice on writing little snippets to help with that.


    Also, would it surprise you to know that I wrote this in around 15 minutes, entirely in pen and with little to no scratch outs at all?

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    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    Quote Originally Posted by Sai-chan View Post
    Thanks Kenny! I was pretty nervous posting this, so I'm glad you like it. <3

    When I write, I tend to just write whatever comes to me. Imagery, descriptions, annotations, rhymes, and all that; I have no intention of writing them when I start to write something, they just kinda happen. When I try to get down to the little details and actually think what I'm writing, it gets just a little difficult for me. However, I think I'll take your advice on writing little snippets to help with that.
    Snippets help you to quickly see your strengths and weaknesses. I would argue that even keeping a diary can improve your writing just on principal of how vividly you can convey your thoughts. And most, if not all, writing is worth saving so that you can always go back and see that maybe you did something better or had an interesting idea.

    This thread is the perfect solution to all of that. Just plug anything here whenever you're feeling spontaneous.~

    Also, would it surprise you to know that I wrote this in around 15 minutes, entirely in pen and with little to no scratch outs at all?
    Honestly, I'm not surprised.

    Contrary to popular belief, editing doesn't always help to improve a piece of writing. It's very likely that the first thing you write is the best thing you write. Whenever you write on impulse and feel invigorated or emotional, you manage to create the representation of your current feelings. Editing is something that's necessary whenever our foundation is messy. That's there just to structure the writing in a way that's more geared towards readers.

    But the main soul of it is the crucial element. This is why I feel most writers hate editing. Writing is a passion, editing is work. And so we improve as writers the more we want to share our ideas or feelings with others. After a certain point... the soul of the work is no longer about spur of the moments, but about genuinely desiring to share our ideas with people.

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    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Kenny View Post
    Snippets help you to quickly see your strengths and weaknesses. I would argue that even keeping a diary can improve your writing just on principal of how vividly you can convey your thoughts. And most, if not all, writing is worth saving so that you can always go back and see that maybe you did something better or had an interesting idea.

    This thread is the perfect solution to all of that. Just plug anything here whenever you're feeling spontaneous.~
    Well, I've never actually used a diary, but I did get a little journal to write anything I spontaniously come up with in. Though, I normally get inspiration to write stuff based on anime or shows or something; I'm horrible with coming up with original stuff. :x And no fear about keeping old writings--I've kept everything since I was in like, 4th grade, old pictures, paper, homwork and writings included. I'm a horrible packrat. lol


    Quote Originally Posted by Uncle Kenny View Post
    Honestly, I'm not surprised.

    Contrary to popular belief, editing doesn't always help to improve a piece of writing. It's very likely that the first thing you write is the best thing you write. Whenever you write on impulse and feel invigorated or emotional, you manage to create the representation of your current feelings. Editing is something that's necessary whenever our foundation is messy. That's there just to structure the writing in a way that's more geared towards readers.

    But the main soul of it is the crucial element. This is why I feel most writers hate editing. Writing is a passion, editing is work. And so we improve as writers the more we want to share our ideas or feelings with others. After a certain point... the soul of the work is no longer about spur of the moments, but about genuinely desiring to share our ideas with people.
    I normally only edit stuff only if I don't like write I wrote previously or if it makes no sense whatsoever. xD Which tends to happen not that often, thankfully. I hardly edit my work all that much.

    Oh, and here's a poem I wrote. Mostly I was just expirimenting with what I could come up with while in school, so I don't think it's all that great. But hey, it's a start.



    It's a wish I'd love to make
    Something no one could take
    --away from me
    Just a small want
    Just a small need
    Just a small thing to believe in
    It's not much
    I won't ask for more
    So please, please, give me something to adore
    Like the small breeze in the wind
    Or the light smell of flower petals
    A place I could stay all day
    Where I could wish no more
    A place for me to see
    Just how beautiful life can be.

  6. #6

    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    Can't say much because I don't know much about poetry, but you do evoke strong imagery and intense feelings.
    ....That's all I got. :/

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    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    Quote Originally Posted by Cuddles the Dark View Post
    Can't say much because I don't know much about poetry, but you do evoke strong imagery and intense feelings.
    ....That's all I got. :/
    Hey, that's better than nothing! c: Hopefully I can get some more poetry up (or maybe writings in general) so you can critique it more. That'll help you learn about poetry if anything else. ;)
    Last edited by Sai-chan; September 20th, 2011 at 06:51 PM. Reason: I nearly did a double take when I saw someone replied. lol

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    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    I was listening to this

    Spoiler:


    And got inspired. Here's another poem~


    Why do we humans never ever learn?
    Why do they always yearn
    For things they can never earn?
    Why do they search their hearts
    For clues to mysteries never to be solved?
    What is it about us
    That leads to our own end?
    We were never meant for enternity
    We were never meant for imortality
    we strive for what we can never ever have
    What is it that makes us so mad?
    Our hearts call for glory
    Our tears call out pain
    We mask these emotions with everlasting fame
    Together we call for those far away
    To ones who have passed
    And the ones who have remained
    Why do we cry for stories and the dead
    Why do we smile at toddlers in their bed?
    Who is it that we must prove ourselves
    And what is this love that lives so far above?
    Are we free or are we enslaved
    By our ideas, to all our fates
    What is it that we must live on for
    And why do we search for ever ever more?


    Take from it what you wish; I'm not really that sure what this is supposed to be saying. I just began writing~

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    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    Okay, another poem. This one was actually an assignment. We had to use the first line from 'Seafarer' (This tale is true and mine) and use three examples of kennings and alliterations. Can you all help me? Alliteration isn't too hard but kennings always throw me off. Here's the poem:

    This tale is true and mine
    Together in this journey you'll find
    that life and love are true and full
    And happiness is all we want
    Nothing will take that smile away
    And none will ever find a way
    In my heart I know who I am
    And in my mind I see my future
    A love in life and a life in love
    Not ever death sent from above
    Will stop the sun shining down on me
    Even as I smile at those dark clouds
    I'll gladly sleep under the rain
    Grabbing mouthfuls of heaven's delight
    Splashing around the darkness of night
    Make your way in the world today
    Or else you might never find it again
    Join the dance and sing my song
    Live your life long along
    The journey you'll no doubt find yourself upon
    Darkness is not the end you'll see
    It merely makes the light brighter
    It takes all the bad to see the good
    So go through the sadness and shine in the light
    And never ever lose that sight


    Not one of my best poems I think. lol It needs a bit of work.

  10. #10

    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    I wish Kenny were still here. I would copy his opinion. :/
    I think they sound alright, but I don't know how to critique except to make more vivid imagery in the second to last one. I don't know what Kennings are.

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    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    Thanks Cuddles~

    Kennings are... like, referring to something without specifically saying it's name. Like the line 'grabbing mouthfuls of heaven's delight' Heaven's Delight is referring to rain. But kennings always mess me up...

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    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    Blah. I felt like writing something and took inspiration from my friend's situation to write a little valentine poem.

    It’s nothing to question
    Please don’t ask
    You don’t need to reason
    About why I crash
    Or squirm or scream
    Or blush ruby red
    It’s nothing to worry about
    It’s all in my head
    My hands are sweaty
    My heart’s beating fast
    I’m turning pale
    Trust me, it won’t last
    Just a little sickness
    I’m sure it’ll pass
    Just, don’t pay attention
    To my shaking hands
    I’m not worth it, really
    Stop looking at me so
    Can you just leave?
    Please, hurry and go
    It isn’t you, honest
    It’s all me
    You haven’t done a thing
    I’m just an idiot, honestly
    You’d think I could control myself
    My stupid hands or my stupid blush
    My stupid emotions
    Or my stupid crush…


    /halfassed

  13. #13

    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    An poem I can understand!
    It's honest and too the point, and I almost read it out loud. Nice rhythm. :)

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    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    Quote Originally Posted by Cuddles the Dark View Post
    An poem I can understand!
    It's honest and too the point, and I almost read it out loud. Nice rhythm. :)
    Glad you like it Cuddles! c:

    I was just thinking of a friend when I wrote this. She has a crush on one of her friends and I like to tease her about it.
    Rythm is fun to write~

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    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    Little Monsters Prologue
    Spoiler:
    Firelight danced off of star and moon covered cloth, highlighting the purples and blues. A shadow ran across a few shining sparkles—floating along as if pulled by an unknown force. A light glow flashed by, and then, it was gone.

    A girl, no more than 13 years, swung her orange and blue striped legs. She giggled and laughed, her eyes glittering with excitement, her hair bouncing all around her. One hand gripped a broom, just barely hovering over the carpet, avoiding a half-eaten bowl of cookies. The other was in the air—waving around—holding a long, brown wooden stick.

    Two brown shoes, their toes curled upward in a spiral, walked on air and hopped onto her still swinging feet. Gold light followed and died, its job done.

    The girl grabbed the handle of the broom tighter. She swirled in midair, spinning and giggling, the broom slicing through the air and swaying the pages of nearby open books. A few bottles of strange colored liquid tilted for a moment, and were silent. The ringing bells of innocent laughter seemed to cover the room, everything else utterly silent.

    Golden light blanketed a long black coat, picking it up and lightly swaying over to the girl. Her arms floated through into the arm holes and her hands pulled out her long brown hair, letting it curl and bounce outward. The coat seemed to flutter, as if alive, but settled down over her thin shoulders—her short pink shirt barely peeking out underneath.

    The yellow moon on her shirt thudded over her chest. Her breath quivered, blood pumped through her veins, her shoulders shaking. She grabbed the side of her purple skirt, wrinkling the fabric. The large gold buckle around her waist gleamed against the black belt—

    “YES!”

    Her voice rang through the silence.

    “FINALLY! I’M GOING! I’M FINALLY GOING!”

    A large purple witch’s hat, covered in crudely drawn stars, and an overly curled tip with a yellow moon hanging off the end, twitched. It jumped up, flying over the candles, books, and potions—landing on her head. Her ensemble was complete, and the various packed bags sitting next to the pink and purple bunk bed sat, waiting, watching.

    She laughed, raising her hands into the air and kicking her legs back and forth. Her coat waved all around her, creating an odd halo effect in the firelight. She leaned her head back and back flipped on the broom, momentarily spinning backwards, upside down, side to side, before stopping. Her form was still for a moment; one long, short, moment, contemplating something. All is quiet. And then—

    Battie Loona flew into the nearby wall, her form creating a rippling effect on the design, one that looked suspiciously like a landscape. A small castle in the far back, a forest surrounding, and the sun actually seeming to set down behind the painted trees—

    “MONSTER SCHOOL, HERE I COME!”


    I... attempted to write something. :I And not a poem. Amazing, huh?
    Last edited by Sai-chan; May 24th, 2012 at 11:51 PM.

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    Hmm... I don't know if it's just me but I had a really hard time deciphering everything that was going on. I think you may be trying to concentrate way too much on the imagery and not enough on clarity. As well, imagery is done best with fewer words rather than many. You could also benefit from describing the setting more since I'm not even entirely sure I know where the girl in question is right now (I think it's a camp site at night). It's certainly a good effort and I can tell where you're trying to go with it but try to make sure that clarity is your main mission in your descriptions.

    There are certain ways you can be both clear and creative with the world play. You'd benefit from re-reading your own works and asking yourself if it's a good way to describe it or, showing your work to friends of yours and have them give you some perspective. I know that, as writers, it's difficult for us to read our own work as a stranger since we already know all the details of the scene in our own mind. But really, it's the audience that matters most in all this.

    On the upside, I did like the bits of imagery that I could understand. And I also think that the story has a lot of potential to be interesting (heh, well of course I would). Just remember to write in such a way that anyone can understand what's going on.~

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    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    Thanks for the critique, Kenny!

    Yeah... this is why I have trouble writing. I think it's because I'm an artist, but I have trouble with 'building' the world around characters, even if it's just a room. My thought process just... doesn't go in a linear direction--I think when I write, and some thoughts sprout and bloom into beautiful flowers, while others shrivel and die, leaving me in a dead end. I'm good with imagery, but farther than that... well, it's hard for me. I just hope that, as a first draft, I did a good job with this. c: I'll work on editing it and trying to make it more clear.

    Can you tell me which bits of imagery you liked, so I don't accidentally get rid of them? lol

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    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    Well like, even with the first line:

    Firelight danced off of star and moon covered cloth, highlighting the purples and blues.
    I think this is pretty good imagery right here. The only thing that kills it is that it's the first sentence. What would really bring it alive would be to proceed it with a description of the setting first so we can know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there's a campfire nearby. That way when we read it we'll instantly think, "Oh yeah, that must be a robe next to a campfire" instead of trying to figure out what's going on.

    The following bits of imagery:

    A shadow ran across a few shining sparkles—floating along as if pulled by an unknown force. A light glow flashed by, and then, it was gone.
    It would be easy for someone that doesn't know what's going on to make the assumption that this has something to do with the campfire. Our only bit of information beforehand was that a fire was nearby.

    But then:

    Golden light blanketed a long black coat, picking it up and lightly swaying over to the girl.
    Is it a campfire or magic? Are both part of the setting? Was there only one all along? The imagery itself isn't a problem. It's just that it's all held back by a lack of clarity. For an example, if one were to say, "emerald shining radiance" you'd be left scratching your head. But if you place it into context, "Her eyes were green as if an emerald shining radiance", things suddenly make a lot more sense, flow much better and brings out the most of the imagery.

    I hope I wasn't too nonsensical with this reply.~

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    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    The thing is... she's not by a campfire. xD; So I guess I royally messed up with the description there. She's surrounded by candles (which is mentioned a few times... but not clearly enough I suppose) in her room. I think I should change "Golden light blanketed a long black coat, picking it up and lightly swaying over to the girl" (which can be assumed to be a fire) to "Golden light, dripping pink sparkles as it moved, blanketed a long black coat, picking it up and slightly swaying over to the girl." The golden light that moves the objects around is coming from her wand and is magic... yeah, I need to work on clarity. lol The beginning always is the hardest part for me... but, again, I'll have to work on that too. Maybe I should change a few of the light references to flickering light instead of golden, to distinguish the two?

    Thanks for the help, Kenny. I'll try to re-write it when I get home today with some of the stuff you suggested.



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    Default Re: The Occasional Writings of a Procrastinating Artist

    Part of good imagery is blatantly stating what you mean along with colorful descriptions.~

    Good luck, Sai-Sai. =)
    Last edited by Jazzy Jinx; May 25th, 2012 at 04:34 PM. Reason: Would be a longer post but had to immediately go do stuff.

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