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Thread: Confession Session II

  1. #21

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Grandma woke up this morning. She can't do anything but blink and wiggle her toes on command

    funny how emotional and incredible a simple blink can be



    She's still really weak and can easily take a turn for the worse but we're gonna watch her close the next few days (I'll probably fly back to GA this weekend if things keep improving). Gonna head in again later and pull another all nighter in the icu since we have a new night nurse tonight


    The lady two rooms over woke up too and looked at me when I walked by. I'm really glad.

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  2. #22

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Aaah.....it's like last fall visiting my grandmother is coming back to me. It's sweet you're pulling all nighters to be with her.

  3. #23

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by MetaMario View Post
    Aaah.....it's like last fall visiting my grandmother is coming back to me. It's sweet you're pulling all nighters to be with her.
    :)

    Well like the first night we stayed, her O2 level started dropping and this one idiot (who looked exactly like a human version of Wildcat from Tailspin) kept saying it was ok and to not trust the machine because she was hypothermic. We refused to leave until they did a blood test and it turned out she was accruing fluid in her lungs or something. Anyway since she kind of wakes up off and on now, we just want to be there so she's not scared or anything.

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  4. #24

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by taBills View Post
    Well like the first night we stayed, her O2 level started dropping and this one idiot (who looked exactly like a human version of Wildcat from Tailspin) kept saying it was ok and to not trust the machine because she was hypothermic. We refused to leave until they did a blood test and it turned out she was accruing fluid in her lungs or something. Anyway since she kind of wakes up off and on now, we just want to be there so she's not scared or anything.
    See? That's why you gotta hammer the staff so little (read: major) errors like that don't happen. But I agree, someone being there when she wakes up would definitely help the recovery process, at least in an emotional sense.

  5. #25

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    @Print Error: Thanks for worrying about me, but I do not believe in medicine, because my mother has to take several medicines and she never gets better. I think a personal help is better.

    @Noqanky: I know how AP can be helpful, AP forums helped me to not commit suicide in 2009, thanks for saying that, I didnīt knew people knew me or that I am one of the integral components of this forums. I like to be alone for some time, but other times I want to see new things, do new things and meet new people. But, Iīm just..weird (hard to fit), I know this is a good thing, but still.... I do have a group of friends (in my new job and on skype), the only problem is that they all live far away.

    @Outerspec: I've been in therapy ever since I was 6 years old, and it was years and years of help, I can say that I have improved a lot. But due to money problems and prejudice, I stopped having my sections, today was my first serious depression since 2009. I have to find a good therapsit first..and this will be hard. Thanks for those kind words, I appreciate this.

    @Monky King: I know that Iīm not alone, and I know that are people in a far worst condition than me. As I said, I was worst in 2009, and even if I did lotīs of stuff in 2010,11,12,13. (college, filiation in NGOīs trips around Brazil, a new job and a new girfriend), itīs hard to overcome depression.

    Thanks you all, you guys really helped me today...AGAIN.
    When AP used to be good:

    NEVER FORGET !!

  6. #26

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Captain Ugly View Post
    How can I say this.....

    Hidden:
    My mom said I need to see a psychologist...I doubt he/she can help me. Things like: Iīm a total failure in life, Iīm invisible to everyone, I live in a sea of lies and the thought that I hate myself is always in my mind. I donīt have ANY motivation to live, but I donīt want to die now. I donīt have friends (most of them are dead) and the only people I talk to is my sick mother, so is hard to be happy.

    Everything I try to do, ends up in total failure OR, it becomes impossible to do, so I give up. I see people my age or younger being happy and I canīt be happy..I ask to myself "Why this is so hard for me ? I am a idiot ? I have mental problems ? Why I canīt do nothing ?"

    I see me, all alone with no help, I try to cry, I try to battle, but nothing works..I just try to forget about that, I live me life and go to sleep, waiting for tomorrow.


    Sorry..
    As someone who suffers from anxiety and depression I promise you aren't the only one who feels that way. Seeing a doctor about it is a good thing. And if you ever need to talk about things. Feel free to message me.

    Taboo, glad to hear your grandmother is doing a bit better. I hate being in hospitals and especially the icu. I can still remember my dad being there. Glad y'all are staying on top of the staff. My thoughts are still with you and your family.
    Sent from my SGH-T999 using Tapatalk
    Last edited by Crickeylynn; April 2nd, 2014 at 09:26 PM.


  7. #27

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Louis-1988 View Post
    I gotta get in on the first page!

    Spoiler:
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    I bet you were the coolest guy in school ;D

    Quote Originally Posted by Light Bro View Post
    I confess that everytime I see someone banned all of a sudden I start fearing that it might happen to me too.

    And then I want to become a senior member even harder! They never get banned right?
    I'm sure if a senior was really being a dick they could get kicked out but they usually pick the more chill, amicable folks to be seniors. If you go around causing drama and trouble thats probably a disqualification already. Anyone could snap one day, so you never know.

    And I confess your sig still makes my day.

    Quote Originally Posted by Chrissie View Post
    I confess I am scared of (vaccine)needles even though they never hurt me ;w; Had two vaccines done today and I twice jumped when I saw the needles xP
    The worst are friggen IM needles. I had to get the chickenpox vaccine since I never had it as a kid and holy fuck. A normal shot makes my arm sore for a day or 2, both times I was sore for 2 weeks >___<;;; Very painfully sore... and my grandpa slapped my arm right after I had it done >__<


    Quote Originally Posted by Prismeru View Post
    Funny thing about how i sleep. I only sleep like 3,4 hours in the night and at mid-day i get like another hour of sleep (I work from home so i can). At first i thought it was because i had a routine then someone pointed me out that i could be because the frequent depressions that i suffer (which i didn't have any when i was in Japan, yay!). I still wonder the reason but in Monday i went out with a friend that is kinda a workholic and when i told her how little i slept she told she was jealous because that way she could work more...Days later, i think i'm mad at that comment. Don't know.

    Ah, that's right! And when i told my mother that i'm afraid i might be bipolar or suffer from depression (or something like that given my background with attention disorder and Hiperactivity) she told me "No mames" which is kinda "Cut the crap out" i guess?

    Uh, yay?
    Depression can make you more tired but.. you definitely would need to see a therapist to make this determination. Some people have weird sleeping habits and if you are used to getting in a nap at home during the day then your body is going to be used to it. That in itself is really not that abnormal, just most people don't have this luxury. I know a few people who always take naps on their lunch break without fail.

    Quote Originally Posted by Captain Ugly View Post
    How can I say this.....

    Hidden:
    My mom said I need to see a psychologist...I doubt he/she can help me. Things like: Iīm a total failure in life, Iīm invisible to everyone, I live in a sea of lies and the thought that I hate myself is always in my mind. I donīt have ANY motivation to live, but I donīt want to die now. I donīt have friends (most of them are dead) and the only people I talk to is my sick mother, so is hard to be happy.

    Everything I try to do, ends up in total failure OR, it becomes impossible to do, so I give up. I see people my age or younger being happy and I canīt be happy..I ask to myself "Why this is so hard for me ? I am a idiot ? I have mental problems ? Why I canīt do nothing ?"

    I see me, all alone with no help, I try to cry, I try to battle, but nothing works..I just try to forget about that, I live me life and go to sleep, waiting for tomorrow.


    Sorry..
    Sometime life is a bag of dicks from day one. You may not really know what happiness feels like. I'm about out of time but one thing I can offer is maybe stop looking collectively at how everything ends in failure. Try to analyze how things went wrong and determine if it was in your control or not. If it wasn't, fuck it. If it was, you have (possibly) learned how you can try to do better to avoid it again. I've kinda felt a lot of things just don't come natural to me, and I've basically have had to learn how to be more like a "normal" person. And each time I stop and try to figure out what I did wrong and not do it again... but each and everytime I find something else to fail at. I don't seem to ever succeed (very rarely, every problem always seems to be more complex than the last) but I don't get discouraged. I know that if I get to that point again I won't do it again, and the more and more I fail the more and more I stop to think about what I'm doing before I do it (which I have a really hard time doing). It's a process. I know that in this world the only person who will help me is myself. I can't expect to be sustained on the love and care of others. I have to love and care for myself and be confident about it. It's not as self-centered as it sounds. You just have to come to terms with the fact that you don't have anyone to fall on. You have to stand on your feet or you will fail. No one else gives a shit, it's up to you to give a shit about yourself. If that makes any sense.

    Quote Originally Posted by taBills View Post
    Grandma woke up this morning. She can't do anything but blink and wiggle her toes on command

    funny how emotional and incredible a simple blink can be



    She's still really weak and can easily take a turn for the worse but we're gonna watch her close the next few days (I'll probably fly back to GA this weekend if things keep improving). Gonna head in again later and pull another all nighter in the icu since we have a new night nurse tonight


    The lady two rooms over woke up too and looked at me when I walked by. I'm really glad.
    GREAT news @__@!!! I hope she keeps going strong and keeps improving. Glad to hear she is doing better.

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  8. #28
    Banned Rank: Failed Mutineer
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I'm nowhere near as logical/rational/reasonable as I want myself to be.

  9. #29

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Crickeylynn View Post
    As someone who suffers from anxiety and depression I promise you aren't the only one who feels that way. Seeing a doctor about it is a good thing. And if you ever need to talk about things. Feel free to message me.
    I will see if I can find a therapist (and now, I will pay for the sections) and thanks for this message.
    Quote Originally Posted by Arei View Post
    Sometime life is a bag of dicks from day one. You may not really know what happiness feels like. I'm about out of time but one thing I can offer is maybe stop looking collectively at how everything ends in failure. Try to analyze how things went wrong and determine if it was in your control or not. If it wasn't, fuck it. If it was, you have (possibly) learned how you can try to do better to avoid it again. I've kinda felt a lot of things just don't come natural to me, and I've basically have had to learn how to be more like a "normal" person. And each time I stop and try to figure out what I did wrong and not do it again... but each and everytime I find something else to fail at. I don't seem to ever succeed (very rarely, every problem always seems to be more complex than the last) but I don't get discouraged. I know that if I get to that point again I won't do it again, and the more and more I fail the more and more I stop to think about what I'm doing before I do it (which I have a really hard time doing). It's a process. I know that in this world the only person who will help me is myself. I can't expect to be sustained on the love and care of others. I have to love and care for myself and be confident about it. It's not as self-centered as it sounds. You just have to come to terms with the fact that you don't have anyone to fall on. You have to stand on your feet or you will fail. No one else gives a shit, it's up to you to give a shit about yourself. If that makes any sense.
    I really canīt do nothing right now, I can only seek help. Every time I win at something, I think "Nah, just another boring thing that I managed to overcome", but when I failed at something..All the world falls on top of me.

    Congratulations Taboo !!! I hope everything will get better.
    When AP used to be good:

    NEVER FORGET !!

  10. #30

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Shipmate View Post
    I'm nowhere near as logical/rational/reasonable as I want myself to be.
    Welcome to the world of being human and feelings.

  11. #31

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Shipmate View Post
    I'm nowhere near as logical/rational/reasonable as I want myself to be.
    That's all part of the human experience :/ No one is perfect, and everyone will at some point act in a moment of haste or rashness. Just keep trying to be the best you can be, that's all you can do.

    Quote Originally Posted by Captain Ugly View Post
    I will see if I can find a therapist (and now, I will pay for the sections) and thanks for this message.
    I really canīt do nothing right now, I can only seek help. Every time I win at something, I think "Nah, just another boring thing that I managed to overcome", but when I failed at something..All the world falls on top of me.

    Congratulations Taboo !!! I hope everything will get better.
    You can always do something. It doesn't have to be anything big or drastic. All the changes that you make regarding personal growth always come from within. Only you can control how you think and feel and react to things. No one else causes you to feel those feelings of defeat and anguish, you let yourself feel that way. That is how it works.

    There is no instant fix or cure, and you can't change your thinking or bad habits overnight, or even in a year. It takes a long time, it's a lifetime journey. Definitely see a therapist, but always keep in mind the root of all of your stress and bad feelings is *yourself*. Changing how you think (logical thinking) about things will change how you respond and how you feel and you'll naturally have lower stress levels as time goes on. When you start breaking apart your thought processes piece by piece, you'll see how many unrealistic conditions and blocks you set up in your mind and how you've set yourself up for failure no matter what you do. Take a look at the patterns between every situation you seemingly fail at and how you respond. They will all be the same. Stop thinking that life sucks and it's unfair, and think that life can be shit but you can feel about it however you want to. Overtime as you choose to look on the realistic/logical side of things, you will naturally lose the negative and feelings of failure and stress.

    To me at least, failure and shortcombings are less of an issue because I no longer give nearly as many fucks as I once did. Shit is always going to hit the fan at the worst time and life is always going to be one giant inconvenience after another, but living my life to the fullest and reaching my goals are more important then sullying around in failure after failure. Trust me, I rarely succeed, my life has always been a giant smelly pile of shit but it's not going to end that way.

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  12. #32
    Heart'n'Skull Nami's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Very glad to hear that, taboo :) I wish u the strength u need for the allnighters. But pls take care of yourself as well.





    Captain ugly, keep your chin up.

    "Unicorns can't see into your heart. All our dumb horns can do is glow, point towards the nearest rainbow and play rave music!"

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  13. #33

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by taBills View Post
    Grandma woke up this morning. She can't do anything but blink and wiggle her toes on command

    funny how emotional and incredible a simple blink can be



    She's still really weak and can easily take a turn for the worse but we're gonna watch her close the next few days (I'll probably fly back to GA this weekend if things keep improving). Gonna head in again later and pull another all nighter in the icu since we have a new night nurse tonight


    The lady two rooms over woke up too and looked at me when I walked by. I'm really glad.
    That's great news, tabby!

    Best of luck with the rest of her recovery!

  14. #34
    Still Trong Print Error's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Going to rant a bit about someone I live with - I don't like doing this but I wanna get it off my chest and telling her this in the past has only lead to big drama.

    My flatmate C has all but given up on life. She doesn't really do anything except eat, sleep, and play EVE Online. She wakes up around 4-5pm and then plays through until really late at night...it's not at all uncommon to see her still playing when I leave the house at 7am. She used to play games and never go out before, but she at least balanced it with social media, and she doesn't do much of that anymore. And on Sunday she had a minor breakdown over getting food in, to the point where she eventually threw money at me (literally) and told me to get us pizzas delivered...which she then didn't eat when they arrived because she went for a smoke and fallen asleep. It especially gets to me because she's on voice chat most of the time, so she'll be there talking away and getting all stressed and barely paying attention to any of us in the flat. And because of my condition, I can't actually tune it out - same way that if there's a TV on around me, I literally cannot not watch it, and it scatters my thoughts.

    I got back from work this evening feeling too tired and headachey to go out to a friends' event and figured I'd try relaxing a bit with one of my comfort food meals (pasta, peas, hot sauce, spices) but I'm just feeling irritated by the noise from the voice-chat and my flatmate getting more worked up about something in that game than she does over her actual breakup with her partner, who is still covering for her financially and otherwise. I don't want to snap at her because she'll snap and start calling me an abuser again like she did when I kept her off the PC for 5 minutes once when she wanted to play (because I was arranging my partner's funeral...).

    I'm almost feeling like I'm more relaxed at my office desk than at home at times like this. Perhaps it's just as well that I'm going to have to move in half a year.

    And thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I'd ask for advice about what to do, but so many of us have tried so much with her, and yet she seems fairly determined to drive herself into this precipice.
    moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon

  15. #35
    Heart'n'Skull Nami's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    She's terrible. Make it clear to her or move out. Or both. She's a selfish bitch, pulling everyone else down. Don't let her have that power over u

    "Unicorns can't see into your heart. All our dumb horns can do is glow, point towards the nearest rainbow and play rave music!"

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  16. #36
    the answer is Spaghetti! zachri's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I know this is out of the blue and random but I'm here for you as well, Cap'n.
    HECK. I'm here for everyone.
    EVERYONE.
    So just hit up Mama Zach if you feelin' down or just wanna chaaat...
    Last edited by zachri; April 3rd, 2014 at 03:30 PM.

    #SWAGLETON

  17. #37

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Print Error View Post
    Going to rant a bit about someone I live with - I don't like doing this but I wanna get it off my chest and telling her this in the past has only lead to big drama.

    My flatmate C has all but given up on life. She doesn't really do anything except eat, sleep, and play EVE Online. She wakes up around 4-5pm and then plays through until really late at night...it's not at all uncommon to see her still playing when I leave the house at 7am. She used to play games and never go out before, but she at least balanced it with social media, and she doesn't do much of that anymore. And on Sunday she had a minor breakdown over getting food in, to the point where she eventually threw money at me (literally) and told me to get us pizzas delivered...which she then didn't eat when they arrived because she went for a smoke and fallen asleep. It especially gets to me because she's on voice chat most of the time, so she'll be there talking away and getting all stressed and barely paying attention to any of us in the flat. And because of my condition, I can't actually tune it out - same way that if there's a TV on around me, I literally cannot not watch it, and it scatters my thoughts.

    I got back from work this evening feeling too tired and headachey to go out to a friends' event and figured I'd try relaxing a bit with one of my comfort food meals (pasta, peas, hot sauce, spices) but I'm just feeling irritated by the noise from the voice-chat and my flatmate getting more worked up about something in that game than she does over her actual breakup with her partner, who is still covering for her financially and otherwise. I don't want to snap at her because she'll snap and start calling me an abuser again like she did when I kept her off the PC for 5 minutes once when she wanted to play (because I was arranging my partner's funeral...).

    I'm almost feeling like I'm more relaxed at my office desk than at home at times like this. Perhaps it's just as well that I'm going to have to move in half a year.

    And thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I'd ask for advice about what to do, but so many of us have tried so much with her, and yet she seems fairly determined to drive herself into this precipice.
    I agree with Nami :/ That's REALLY REALLY REALLY someone you don't need to be around normally, but your significant other passed away?? :X You can't relax and recover emotionally the way you need to after that kind of loss with someone like that around. I really hope when you are able to move, you're able to ditch her too. My mom was pretty much like that after she lost her job, she was unemployed 2 years before she started the string of temporary jobs. She lost her job a couple of months before my grandmother passed away, and the stress of work + her made things entirely unbearable. I've only come back to live with her now because she finally has a permanent job and isn't home enough to bury herself in a pile of trash like those people on Horders who just throw all their trash around the house.

    Now that the smelly dog-pee soaked floors are gone, as well as the walls and everything going to be getting a fresh paint of coat and some of the cabinets replaced, the house will FINALLY lose that terrible stank we can't get rid of no matter what. It's a fresh start, and I hope she will work to keep it that way. Thank goodness for insurance because lots of things are getting fixed that she never could afford to do on her own. I'm really excited.

    Sorry to go off on a tangent :X But, anyway, being around someone like that who just breathes and exists and doesn't do much of anything else is extremely draining as it is, but that quadruples or worse when you are also dealing with a great personal loss. Going to stay with my grandpa a year and a half before coming back here really helped me to grow as a person and make some of the crucial steps to moving on a lot easier. You'll feel a great weight slide off when you get rid of her. If she has been a close friend, your heart is probably doubly weighed down at the moment :/ But a true friend wouldn't flip out at you if you kept them off the computer for a few minutes TO PLAN YOUR PARTNER'S FUNERAL. She is far gone and needs some serious professional help. Do not take it upon yourself to try and "fix" her, you won't. Please don't feel like you have to. It may take one of the last few people who gives a shit about her leaving her high and dry before she realizes how messed up she is. Or she may never realize it :/ It's up to her to get out of that funk. It took almost everyone I hung out with quitting talking to me to realize how bad and pathetic I had sunk to.

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  18. #38
    Banned Rank: Failed Mutineer
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    1. Try talking with her and explaining how she isn't helping herself or anyone else. Angry people don't listen well. So be soft first, and be patient.
    2. If that doesn't work out, or if you find it too troublesome and futile to try, buy ear plugs. Those that work. As a temporary measure before you can move out.

  19. #39

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Nami View Post
    Captain ugly, keep your chin up.
    Quote Originally Posted by zachri View Post
    I know this is out of the blue and random but I'm here for you as well, Cap'n.
    HECK. I'm here for everyone.
    EVERYONE.
    So just hit up Mama Zach if you feelin' down or just wanna chaaat...
    Thanks Nami and Zachri...I appreciate all this.
    When AP used to be good:

    NEVER FORGET !!

  20. #40
    https://kolektakon.com/ Louis-1988's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Print Error View Post
    Going to rant a bit about someone I live with - I don't like doing this but I wanna get it off my chest and telling her this in the past has only lead to big drama.

    My flatmate C has all but given up on life. She doesn't really do anything except eat, sleep, and play EVE Online. She wakes up around 4-5pm and then plays through until really late at night...it's not at all uncommon to see her still playing when I leave the house at 7am. She used to play games and never go out before, but she at least balanced it with social media, and she doesn't do much of that anymore. And on Sunday she had a minor breakdown over getting food in, to the point where she eventually threw money at me (literally) and told me to get us pizzas delivered...which she then didn't eat when they arrived because she went for a smoke and fallen asleep. It especially gets to me because she's on voice chat most of the time, so she'll be there talking away and getting all stressed and barely paying attention to any of us in the flat. And because of my condition, I can't actually tune it out - same way that if there's a TV on around me, I literally cannot not watch it, and it scatters my thoughts.

    I got back from work this evening feeling too tired and headachey to go out to a friends' event and figured I'd try relaxing a bit with one of my comfort food meals (pasta, peas, hot sauce, spices) but I'm just feeling irritated by the noise from the voice-chat and my flatmate getting more worked up about something in that game than she does over her actual breakup with her partner, who is still covering for her financially and otherwise. I don't want to snap at her because she'll snap and start calling me an abuser again like she did when I kept her off the PC for 5 minutes once when she wanted to play (because I was arranging my partner's funeral...).

    I'm almost feeling like I'm more relaxed at my office desk than at home at times like this. Perhaps it's just as well that I'm going to have to move in half a year.

    And thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I'd ask for advice about what to do, but so many of us have tried so much with her, and yet she seems fairly determined to drive herself into this precipice.
    You have my deepest condolences in regards to your partner. :(

    People like the aforementioned roommate are beyond help, and imo it's within you and your fellow flatmates best interests to see her evicted if at all possible. You guys are enabling her, she knows she can wear you down to the point where you no longer want to hear anymore of her shit and just give in. You can't let her hold that kind of power over you otherwise your circumstances are not going to improve.

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