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Thread: Confession Session II

  1. #81

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Crickeylynn View Post
    I've been on an endless cycle of apathy, rock bottom depression, and anger (to the point I want to throw and break things.) I can't seem to find a job, even retail (though I just graduated university.) The only opportunity I have had was a psycho dog trainer, I couldn't put up with her emotional abuse. I have no goals anymore, and I feel like I'm just a drifting ship on the sea of life with no direction at all. I feel bad for friends because they listen to me, and my mom's no help (just pray and ask that jazz.) My boyfriend is just as crazy as I am and our depression feeds off each other. I've cried myself to sleep every night this week. I'm so scared I'm going to lose everything I worked so hard for.

    Sent from my SGH-T999 using Tapatalk
    I think what I can at least add is that having a hard time even finding retail jobs is the norm nowadays. So it's NOTHING to do with you or your bf.
    You're not at all alone on this.

  2. #82

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    I can't go to any doctor because I can't afford it. I have no insurance. I am going to a temp agency on Monday. Makes me really nervous. I've had bad experiences in the past, and the idea of first days over and over again makes me feel sick. I'm desperate though. Probably going to put all my model horses up for sale to make my bills this month. Feeling angry at the moment.

    Sent from my GT-N8013 using Tapatalk


  3. #83

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I live in California so I got CAInsured (Obamacare's California branch), and that allows me to get insurance even without income, which in turn allows me to get medical and psychiatric help. However, I also do not take medication for depression, because meds only help to alleviate depression symptoms until "clinical depression" becomes "dysthymia" aka "pervasive depressive disorder". At that point, it's better to focus on cognitive therapy with a therapist.

    It'll sound counter-intuitive, but try to see your friends in person as often as possible when you're depressed. It feels completely different to be around people than through text or even video-chat. Voice your feelings with close friends and join them in group activities. Let them drag you through their schemes. It's a lot better than holing yourself in place and experience a bombardment of anxiety and hopelessness. Don't worry if you upset them, it's a lot better to make your friends upset at you than to shut yourself up and neglect them.

    Edit: I'm currently experimenting with white noise in treatment for distracting thoughts. So far, it doesn't work completely, but it doesn't cause me to waste as much time when doing work.
    Last edited by igetownd; April 12th, 2014 at 05:14 PM.

  4. #84

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    Yeah I'm in Texas, and our governor rejected the Medicaid expansion. I made a whole $2600 last year, and I was still ineligible for any assistance. If I moved back to Oklahoma I could have free healthcare (I'm native American) but I'm not sure I can handle my family's religious expectations. I'll get through this, it just gets so frustrating. Hopefully things will work out with the temp agency.

    Sent from my SGH-T999 using Tapatalk


  5. #85

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by igetownd View Post
    It'll sound counter-intuitive, but try to see your friends in person as often as possible when you're depressed. It feels completely different to be around people than through text or even video-chat. Voice your feelings with close friends and join them in group activities. Let them drag you through their schemes. It's a lot better than holing yourself in place and experience a bombardment of anxiety and hopelessness. Don't worry if you upset them, it's a lot better to make your friends upset at you than to shut yourself up and neglect them.
    Frankly, and this is from experience, not everyone has that luxury of friends. At least not ones you can interact with in the physical realm.

  6. #86

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Crickeylynn View Post
    I've been on an endless cycle of apathy, rock bottom depression, and anger (to the point I want to throw and break things.) I can't seem to find a job, even retail (though I just graduated university.) The only opportunity I have had was a psycho dog trainer, I couldn't put up with her emotional abuse. I have no goals anymore, and I feel like I'm just a drifting ship on the sea of life with no direction at all. I feel bad for friends because they listen to me, and my mom's no help (just pray and ask that jazz.) My boyfriend is just as crazy as I am and our depression feeds off each other. I've cried myself to sleep every night this week. I'm so scared I'm going to lose everything I worked so hard for.
    First, don't feel bad about talking to your friends. I know you have a ton of people who sincerely care and worry about you (like Lisa) and want only the best for you, so I don't think you have to worry about throwing the stress of your burdens out there. There will always be asshats who will leave you because they don't want to hear about anyone's but their own problems, and I know there are at least a handful of people who would not do that to you, ever.

    If you ever find a good job opportunity in Dallas you should totally come back up here. Me, Neko, and everyone else will totally not leave you alone ;) I definitely agree with the sentiment that getting out with real people is always a huge help. We will have a lot of fun at A-Kon :)

    Though I also second that online relationships have an extreme amount of value as well. Without many of the people I've met online, I would not be the person I am today.. and most likely I may not even still have been here.


    Quote Originally Posted by Demonicpoodle View Post
    Hey don't take this as a sign I'm back, sorry I'm really wishy-washy and noncommittal(?).

    Anyway I'm on the verge of happy tears for what could be perceived as a mundane reason.

    I was 1hr30m late to work. This is generally a big deal, and quite a big deal for me cuz I've never done this at this job (been late). Technically... I could have gone in only 30m late. The last hour was spent on me panicking in my car at work, staring at the fading sunset, physically constricted by the thoughts of the admonishment I'd get by going in. I couldn't move. It was like a boa constrictor was restraining me and sapping the life out of me. This job is like a second family to me, and I was devastated at the thought of losing it. I meditated a bit -- out of necessity, really (it's not like I meditate often) -- and after breathing in deeply and repeating several calm, reassuring sentences in my head, managed to go in. Expecting the worst, I'm greeted by a smiling manager who shakes my hand. He says he's just happy I came in. Another person tells me later that I'm really valuable, get things done, and that everybody there loves me and they don't want me to leave. Everyone just kind of laughed it off, even the super strict no nonsense manager. Expectations vs. reality. Life is the most unpredictable thing out there, forget fiction. I like working. It gives me a sense of belonging. I've had some problems with it on occasion, but I love life. I love the personalities I get to mesh with at work.

    I know it might seem like I'm overreacting but I was late to dinner service at a restaurant, and that's considered damn bad, as you need every employee you can get during those hours, and even then you're gonna be blitzing.

    I'm just so happy that they appreciate me so much, so often. Such a great place to work.

    (I haven't checked my VMs or PMs, for the same boa constrictor reasons I mentioned earlier, but my laptop isn't working, so no skype. If anyone wants to contact me, try zstand92@yahoo.com)
    Your boss and co-workers sound amazing. That is incredible. My boss and co-workers are nothing but shitbags to me when I'm late, the things they said to me about calling in because I was cleaning up my house after it flooded were terrible. I definitely will not feel bad when I finally find another job and leave, and I always feel bad about those things. I'm glad your experience with work is good, and your co-workers are so awesome.

    For me though, it takes a lot of psyching up and relaxing in order to get myself to just get up and go to work. I'd rather die than go there. It's a very real struggle that people want to pretend doesn't exist or push under the rug, but that's how I've reacted to severe stress all of my life. It's been a very very very hard battle to just accept and go on with life in the face of a complete and total mental shutdown. No one is ever going to realize that and praise me for my ability to push a lot of it to the back of my mind now and keep going, so I can only control doing what I can to get away from people like this. This is why I hate retail. I hate being at the mercy of abusive people. I grew up with this shit, and I can no longer tolerate it. I want to beat the fuck out of people who take advantage of someone's weakness. It's absolutely disgusting and the lack of control is going to push me over the edge someday soon if I'm not careful.

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  7. #87

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    so my grandfather died the other day.
    FMA 03> FMA Brotherhood

  8. #88
    The Nice Guy Outerspec's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Arei View Post
    It's been a very very very hard battle to just accept and go on with life in the face of a complete and total mental shutdown. No one is ever going to realize that and praise me for my ability to push a lot of it to the back of my mind now and keep going, so I can only control doing what I can to get away from people like this.
    People realize it now but I don't know if praise is really what you need. Maybe more so acknowledgement for your endurance. Recognition that you have soldiered on but it seems like a heavy burden to carry, and it's weighing you down. If realization from others is what you need, if it can help any, then your strength mental/physical is recognized by me. Don't let that burden wear you down for much longer.

    Quote Originally Posted by ShinigamiKing View Post
    so my grandfather died the other day.
    My sincerest condolences. I can only imagine what it's like to lose a grandparent but I know this must be a tough time for your family. My best wishes and I hope your family can recover from this loss in due time.
    Everything's Eventual...


  9. #89

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Noqanky View Post
    Frankly, and this is from experience, not everyone has that luxury of friends. At least not ones you can interact with in the physical realm.
    That makes it really hard, because it's vital to enjoy your existence with other people. It took a while to find my friends. I have a tough time interacting with normal people. There's nothing I find interesting with them. And often times, people don't find me very interesting either (either that or they think I'm creepy). I think what eventually helped was my attempt to cheer myself up by cheering someone else up. Helping the elderly and the impoverished, despite not getting anything back, and not expecting anything back, gave some meaning to life. Hearing those "thank you" and "bless you" gave me some happiness and self worth.

    --- Update From New Post Merge ---

    Quote Originally Posted by ShinigamiKing View Post
    so my grandfather died the other day.
    My grandparents are all dead.

    What helps me go through grief is remembering and reliving all the memorable experiences with them, whether good, bad, awkward, or awesome. And remember, they still exist in our hearts.

  10. #90
    Wondering and Wandering Epoida's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    I'm increasingly losing respect for my dad. He's been being very rude and insensitive towards my sisters and I, saying such horrible things about my older sister particularly. It's too much, we're his daughters for crying out loud! He was trying to pick a fight with my younger sister a little over half an hour ago, getting all up in her face. For once, I really tried to stand up to him, and was real calm about it and telling him "that's enough, now stop it"; he responds with, "get your head out of my ass, Epoida*", and continued on. I've already lost respect for my mother and the things she has done, so now who will I look up to? Not like my dad listened anyway, but at least he acted more responsible.

    *He actually used my real first name, of course.

  11. #91
    Banned Rank: Failed Mutineer
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Epoida View Post
    so now who will I look up to?
    No one. If I may suggest.
    At any rate, I myself look up to no one.

    It's in human nature to long to revere. To have someone to look up to gives us a sense of ground, a sense of direction, a standard, especially when we are not used to standing on our own two feet. So when an object of reverence loses its status as an object of reverence, we immediately want to find a substitute. Parental figures are often the earliest authority figures, that many still can't grow out of. This kind of attitude has several problems.

    Firstly, it hinders independent thinking. This is rather obvious. Looking up too much to a person make us lose our ability to judge for ourselves. There is fine line between reasonable respect and idolatry, and we have to do some tight rope walking here.

    Secondly, it prevents us from seeing a person as they really are. We easily project onto the person qualities that they don't have, qualities that we aspire to be. We are bound to be frustrated, sooner or later, when we find out more about the person. When this happen, we can lose our sense of balance, if it depends too much on this object of reverence.

    The first step of the solution is, of course, to develop a strong independent thinking. A sign of maturity is when you no longer look for an anchor outside of yourself. Then after that, or in the process of doing so, you can start reasoning with your dad and reconciling with him, while preparing for the possibility that you have to maintain a definite distance from him.

    Just my two cents. Hope things go well for you. Love ~

    --- Update From New Post Merge ---

    p/s: Family conflicts are almost always painful, and we should try our best to fix the crack, but there is only so much we can do, and the outcomes are not always most pleasant. Standing up to your dad is the right decision, and you may have to continue to do so in the future. But it's important also to try to understand him more, to find out what his problems are and see if they can, to some extent, be fixed in a joint effort, if some sense of responsibility and family love can be restored in him. In some case you have to take the initiative in reconciling with a soft approach. Allow him some chance to atone himself, if you will, while also preparing for the worst case scenario.

    I'd like to help you more but my knowledge of the situation is limited. Hopefully I'm not sticking my nose in unnecessarily.
    Last edited by Shipmate; April 15th, 2014 at 09:12 AM.

  12. #92

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Brilliant advice! As a matter of fact, looks like you just abolished religion while you were at it! Good news, guys! No need to revere a "god!" It's so simple -- just become strong independent thinkers who are so confident in themselves that they don't need to look for guidance or advice anywhere! It's super easy and totally not arrogant! Pat on the back, problem solved!

  13. #93
    Banned Rank: Failed Mutineer
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Foolio View Post
    just become strong independent thinkers who are so confident in themselves that they don't need to look for guidance or advice anywhere! It's super easy and totally not arrogant! Pat on the back, problem solved!
    Well, that's not really what I suggest though.
    As human beings it's obvious that each of us will have our limitation, so advice and guidance are sometimes needed. However, it's important that we develop the ability to assess/evaluate/scrutinize those advice and guidance in a critical manner, instead of following them blindly. That's part of standing on our own two feet.

    I also said that there is a fine line between reasonable respect and idolatry, and we have to do some tight rope walking. It's not easy, of course.

    I don't know why you tend to interpret my post in the most negative way possible. :P Sarcasm is uncalled for.

    --- Update From New Post Merge ---

    Looking for an anchor and looking for advice are two different things, needless to say.

  14. #94
    Genitals Rock. Rank: Failed Mutineer Prismeru's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Shipmate? You're The sea right? You were my first friend in AP so i really value but i read your posts and the see the face in your avatar and...well, it just makes me want to punch your face. Sorry, had to say it.

    Uh, it's the confession thread so i can safely say that right? Or will my post get erased? :(
    Working thru some stuff. Dunno how long i will be here.

  15. #95

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Shipmate View Post
    I don't know why you tend to interpret my post in the most negative way possible. :P Sarcasm is uncalled for.
    I doubt that you yourself know what the hell you're saying most of the time. But you definitely just told a teenager to stop looking for role models and not to put importance on the views of parents. Your posts are just so out of touch with reality that it's absurd. Stop giving people with real pain and real problems ridiculous lofty advice based on philosophical ramblings that you don't even understand.

  16. #96

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Crickeylynn View Post
    Feeling angry at the moment.
    *hugs* Things WILL get better. Like folks keep saying... it's not just you. Job market sucks right now.

    Quote Originally Posted by Epoida View Post
    I've already lost respect for my mother and the things she has done, so now who will I look up to? Not like my dad listened anyway, but at least he acted more responsible.
    Look up to your friends. Other family members. Famous people that do a lot of good. Obviously don't have a lot of details, but... you're parents are just people too. They have their faults and problems and failings... but I'm sure they've still done their best for you over the years. No one's perfect, and you shouldn't expect anyone to be. But you can look at the positive parts... and look to others for inspiration.

    Quote Originally Posted by Prismeru View Post
    Uh, it's the confession thread so i can safely say that right? Or will my post get erased? :(
    No, it's quite normal to want to punch Sea in the face when he gets like this.

  17. #97

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Behave, people. Levying that accusation at him every time gets old, I'm fairly sure he understands exactly what he's talking about. Sometimes what he says might not be appropriate in the context of the situations but come on. Point that out, don't get distracted by the words. e_e

    Although, honestly, I think the advice is kind of good? Looking for role models isn't necessarily the best thing to do in a situation where people are behaving in ways that are not appropriate? Everyone knows what feels right to them, and if people around Epoida are making her unhappy then the best way for her to handle it is, like Robby said, to seek support from elsewhere and to try to deal with the situation herself as best as she can. Look for inspiration and advice, not a role model.

    But obviously don't disregard your dad, Epoida. He's clearly very stressed because of your financial situation, and people just sometimes can't take it all in stride. He's having a hard time too. You can try to reason with him when he's not in a foul mood and tell him how you feel, if at all possible. :/
    Last edited by Dryish; April 15th, 2014 at 01:07 PM.
    In Loving Memory of Toraish, Rex Avium: http://apforums.net/showthread.php?t=40786 | 3DS Friend Code: 3196-4274-7836

  18. #98

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Dryish View Post
    Behave, people. Levying that accusation at him every time gets old, I'm fairly sure he understands exactly what he's talking about. Sometimes what he says might not be appropriate in the context of the situations but come on. Point that out, don't get distracted by the words. e_e

    Although, honestly, I think the advice is kind of good? Looking for role models isn't necessarily the best thing to do in a situation where people are behaving in ways that are not appropriate? Everyone knows what feels right to them, and if people around Epoida are making her unhappy then the best way for her to handle it is, like Robby said, to seek support from elsewhere and to try to deal with the situation herself as best as she can. Look for inspiration and advice, not a role model.

    But obviously don't disregard your dad, Epoida. He's clearly very stressed because of your financial situation, and people just sometimes can't take it all in stride. He's having a hard time too. You can try to reason with him when he's not in a foul mood and tell him how you feel, if at all possible. :/
    Umm a role model is basically by definition someone to whom you can turn for inspiration and/or advice. Someone whose values or characteristics you admire, so you seek to follow that example when you yourself are unsure. So I'm not sure what your point is. It can be anyone -- naturally if your family is really getting you down, you look for it elsewhere. But what you don't do is say "hah screw everyone, I don't need no stinkin' advice and I don't look up to nobody!" You know, especially someone who's in pain because they don't feel they have anyone to turn to anymore?

    But either way I'm tired of arguing against what you think maybe people were trying to say even if it's not what they actually wrote. And when in fact, based on history, what he posts might not even be written by him to begin with.

  19. #99

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Uh, I think the problem here is that the way Sea (and I) approach the whole concept of a role model is that it's someone whose behaviour should be copied? And when stuff like the situation Epoida's in now is so situational and unique no manner of copying is going to help out? Inspiration and mental support is a totally different thing that everyone should get because that helps to handle these situations on one's own - that's what we're trying to say.

    And, dude, we're talking about someone whose style I've been in touch with for ages at this point. I know what he's trying to say, his style is just... outlandish for discussions like this. e_e
    In Loving Memory of Toraish, Rex Avium: http://apforums.net/showthread.php?t=40786 | 3DS Friend Code: 3196-4274-7836

  20. #100

    Default Re: Confession Session II

    Quote Originally Posted by Dryish View Post
    Uh, I think the problem here is that the way Sea (and I) approach the whole concept of a role model is that it's someone whose behaviour should be copied? And when stuff like the situation Epoida's in now is so situational and unique no manner of copying is going to help out? Inspiration and mental support is a totally different thing that everyone should get because that helps to handle these situations on one's own - that's what we're trying to say.

    And, dude, we're talking about someone whose style I've been in touch with for ages at this point. I know what he's trying to say, his style is just... outlandish for discussions like this. e_e
    You're splitting pointless semantic hairs. I'm the one who used the term "role model" and I used it the way normal people use it, which is not to say someone you mindlessly emulate. It's someone you legitimately look up to, often someone who motivates you to become better and do X things as well as them.

    His direct advice: "Don't look up to anyone."

    This is awful advice. And whatever the point of the rest of the post was, it didn't belong here, as you pointed out. You know what, I know how to solve this problem. Ye olde thredd bann.

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