I have always been sort of an odd kid, not really fitting in and having boyish interests. This was quite easy to deal with at kindergarden but problems arose when I began school. The border between girls and boys seemed to grow and others seemed to go their ways quite easily. Girls started to focus on girly things, boys on boyish stuff and the distance between the two genders grew. And I was there having ever more difficulty doing my own thing. I was forced to wear skirts to some school occasions and for folk-dance class (which was mandatory). We even had these dress things for P.E. for a few years that honestly sucked. And you couldn't just go ahead and use a t-shirt and shorts like the boys, no.
I went deeper and deeper as more differences arose between the genders and I began to loathe going onto school trips because they required girls sleeping with girls and boys with boys. I hated how the other girls never wanted to do anything but sit while I yearned to play basketball with those two friends I had who were, of course, boys. People in the hallways mocked me asking "are you a boy or a girl", kids I never saw before. One of my classmates was especially hateful as she mocked my every move. I tried to ignore her, but she didn't go away. And everyone seemed to think I was overreacting and I was at fault.
At around 9th grade, I was bullied into being more girly as in my mom took me a to a, uh, whatever they're called. He was no psychologist, and talked about how the pain in my sheen is due to repressed feeling WHILE he was stretching it over my limit. There was one especially memorable moment with him. I was sitting on my bed, he on one of the chairs. He said it's not a man's job to be pretty, and to be accepted, I would need to do as girls do and when a guy asks for a blowjob, do it or stay alone.
I tried the girl-stuff. I have photos to prove it. It wasn't me.
I cut my hair, changed my whole wardrobe and hasn't stopped since. And I feel good. When I look at my own reflection somewhere on the streets, a cool and confident looking guy looks back at me. It's still not enough, but I'm getting there.
And there're no more rules to tell me how to dress, how to act and whom to talk to. I will go ahead and shake hands with guys because f**k all, that's how I want to greet them. I hate it when guys just go shake hands with the other guys seemingly not even greeting the gals. I know it's custom, but to hell with it. It's rude.
Ranting over. Hopefully.
Another thing that I went through is suddenly realizing I was kind of attracted to women too. Certain types (interestingly enough, tomboys). I still feel I'm more attracted to guys but I could imagine me being with a gal. I don't want to label myself as a bisexual nor pansexual nor anything else in this matter. If people ask, depending on the circumstances, I'll say I'm bisexual for simplicity's sake.
Maybe I was feeling I was something else that people wanted me to be this whole time. I wasn't a girly girl, nor was I really a tomboy. The second came as a greater shock (obviously) and I struggled a lot with asking myself "What am I really". I really hope this is appropriate word here; I felt I was queer in a way. I couldn't define it, but I certainly felt some things were off. At first I tried to hang onto the manly woman thing until I started thinking about having a male body.