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Thread: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

  1. #81

    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    First I want to thank everyone for answering questions, whether mine or other posters. Been really learning a lot and puts things into perspective.

    So there is some obvious offensive terms for LGBT+ groups that shouldn't be said, but I remembered being on a different forum where someone said that saying Transgenders was considered an offensive term. From what I remember they said that for a while people were using that term when trying to block rights and in speech said it in a demeaning tone. Out of curiosity is that something that is considered offensive widely by the transgender community?

    As for Meta Mario, I'll agree with everyone that you shouldn't worry about what label you fit when it comes to your personal sexuality, and no need to worry about being a virgin or never having been in a relationship. I'm in the same boat and over time I've come to accept that Sex is only as big a deal as you make it, and just because others think you should have sex by a certain age doesn't mean they are right or you should feel bad about it.

  2. #82

    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    Afaik transgender and transsexual mean the same thing... I don't think the status of one's genitals is usually something people announce

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  3. #83
    Acting the Goat Wagomu's Avatar
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    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    I always understood the difference between transgender and transsexual to be the difference between gender and sex.

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  4. #84

    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    Quote Originally Posted by Ruin View Post
    Nothing wrong with it. @MetaMario

    It's better to be educated in a matter of fact and reasonable way than to accidentally find yourself on the ignorant side of things
    Quote Originally Posted by Serra Britt View Post
    Don't let a label bog you down. And don't be in any kind of rush. Do what feels right and think about it.
    Thanks for the encouraging words. At least I'm learning! :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Fuschiawarrior View Post
    Well, there is the life of David Reimer. He wasn't a trans person, but he received a gender reassignment surgery because of a botched circumsition when he was a 6 month old. This fucked up his life immensely.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Reimer
    *reads* Good gravy....see this raises another concern of mine - here the procedure was done at infancy because of the botched circumcision, but...having "testes surgerically removed and a rudimentary vulva fashioned" on someone so young....honestly makes me shiver. And it has nothing to do with the gender mechanics behind it, I generally can't read/look at surgerical procedures without getting nauseous. The body is so fragile, and all it takes is one simple mistake....frankly, agreeing to the surgery in a regular context must take a metric ton of courage and will to go through with it.

    Then you get to the problems with the psychologist. Poor guy. (I didn't misgender, right?)

  5. #85

    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    Quote Originally Posted by The Franky Tank View Post
    First I want to thank everyone for answering questions, whether mine or other posters. Been really learning a lot and puts things into perspective.

    So there is some obvious offensive terms for LGBT+ groups that shouldn't be said, but I remembered being on a different forum where someone said that saying Transgenders was considered an offensive term. From what I remember they said that for a while people were using that term when trying to block rights and in speech said it in a demeaning tone. Out of curiosity is that something that is considered offensive widely by the transgender community?

    As for Meta Mario, I'll agree with everyone that you shouldn't worry about what label you fit when it comes to your personal sexuality, and no need to worry about being a virgin or never having been in a relationship. I'm in the same boat and over time I've come to accept that Sex is only as big a deal as you make it, and just because others think you should have sex by a certain age doesn't mean they are right or you should feel bad about it.
    I haven't heard of transgender or transexual being considered offensive. If anything, it's something that in some circumstances you don't want to be called because:
    a) it may out you in circumstances in which people didn't know (or didn't have to know)
    b) it may bring back a reminder to people who intend to live a normal life that this is not the case

    But it's tricky. Remember, different trans people will have different desires and needs. Myself, when I identify myself on sites and everywhere I just want it to be established I'm female and nothing more. That's my own personal preference because of it being how I have always felt. Over time I've come to terms with the idea of being trans, but there's still a lot of moments of sheer envy and resentment towards the fact I'm not cis which excludes me from many experiences, past and future.
    To other trans women with this perspective, to be called trans in a public environment, or be outed in similar fashions, would be a rather harsh experience, since for the most part the whole is to go by unnoticed and not singled out. And the moment people know they do begin to treat you differently for the most part, even with good intentions.

    Other people aren't like this, and have pride in their trans experience, and desire participating in trans events, going to group meetings, being involved in the community, etc. To them it wouldn't be out of place to be labelled out as trans because it'd be a source of pride, a pride that took struggle to attain.

    It admittedly gets tricky when everyone has such different experiences.
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  6. #86

    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    Quote Originally Posted by Noqanky View Post
    I haven't heard of transgender or transexual being considered offensive. If anything, it's something that in some circumstances you don't want to be called because:
    a) it may out you in circumstances in which people didn't know (or didn't have to know)
    b) it may bring back a reminder to people who intend to live a normal life that this is not the case

    But it's tricky. Remember, different trans people will have different desires and needs. Myself, when I identify myself on sites and everywhere I just want it to be established I'm female and nothing more. That's my own personal preference because of it being how I have always felt. Over time I've come to terms with the idea of being trans, but there's still a lot of moments of sheer envy and resentment towards the fact I'm not cis which excludes me from many experiences, past and future.
    To other trans women with this perspective, to be called trans in a public environment, or be outed in similar fashions, would be a rather harsh experience, since for the most part the whole is to go by unnoticed and not singled out. And the moment people know they do begin to treat you differently for the most part, even with good intentions.

    Other people aren't like this, and have pride in their trans experience, and desire participating in trans events, going to group meetings, being involved in the community, etc. To them it wouldn't be out of place to be labelled out as trans because it'd be a source of pride, a pride that took struggle to attain.

    It admittedly gets tricky when everyone has such different experiences.
    Makes a lot of sense. Everyone is different and in life I've just learned that you will offend people by saying something you thought was innocent, and the best thing to do is just apologize and not make that mistake. The example I gave was interesting because transgender was fine by itself, but when someone said Transgenders (plural form), they found it offensive. I would find the post from the forum for context, but it's been so long that I would never be able to find it now.

  7. #87

    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    Quote Originally Posted by The Franky Tank View Post
    but when someone said Transgenders (plural form), they found it offensive.
    It is offensive for some people when transgender is used as a substantive instead of a adjective. It makes sense to me, in a similar way that saying the gays is awkward.

  8. #88
    Trying Too Hard Below Average's Avatar
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    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    Quote Originally Posted by Wagomu View Post
    I always understood the difference between transgender and transsexual to be the difference between gender and sex.
    Pretty much. Transgender is something of an umbrella term for anyone not identifying with their "assigned" sex. Transsexual is someone who is actively transitioning into the opposite of their "assigned" sex. A transsexual person is transgender but a transgender person isn't necessarily transsexual.

  9. #89
    Colin Baker Apologist Mr. Zoro's Avatar
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    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    The other day I heard someone identify themselves as cishet, which I had never heard before. Is that a term?

    A quick google brings up this definition:
    Cishet, used as both an adjective and a noun, describes a person who is both cisgender and heterosexual. A person is cishet if he or she is cisgender, meaning identifying with his or her assigned-at-birth gender, as well as heterosexual, or attracted exclusively to people of the opposite sex.
    Which confuses me a little, because I thought cis pretty much covers that same thing? Or is cis just short for "cishet" as well as "cisgender"?

  10. #90
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    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    That's another example of gender identity versus sexual orientation. The cis in cishet refers to somebody who identifies as the gender they were born as. The het part refers to the person being heterosexual or straight. You can be cisgender and homosexual and you can be transgender and heterosexual.

  11. #91
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    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    Was really nervous about how this thread started out but I'm pleased at how much of an informative read it turned out to be. No questions yet, but just also wanted to express my thanks to everyone for contributing to the discussion!
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  12. #92
    Dark side of the One Piece AfroSamurai's Avatar
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    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    So yeah, I have a question that will probably piss off everyone here.

    Why are LGB and T together? My understanding has always been that LGB (as well as demisexual, asexual, and all other 'sex-related' things) was just about sexuality, while Transgender issues and transsexual issues were about Gender Dysphoria and other gender related issues.

    I understand that historically both overarching categories were discriminated against, but it still seems odd that these two completely different ways of being are grouped together under one big umbrella issue. I can't speak from experience, but I can't see any real link between transgender people and lesbian&gay people. They're completely different things, with completely different (and sometimes contrasting) political needs.
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  13. #93

    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    Quote Originally Posted by Wagomu View Post
    I identify as asexual and for me it doesn't mean lacking in sexuality at all. Like a lot of asexual folk like myself still find attraction to sexual acts and stuff, but don't really enjoy partaking in those acts at all. There's also a lot of asexual folk in kink communities and such, who still enjoy bodily or psychological sensations as well, without really sexualizing them. It's because of this that I can consider myself bi as well, since I find attraction across genders, just don't like engaging in it.
    Thank you for mentioning that Wagomu. I have really only recently in the last couple of years realized I may be asexual. I have a nonexistent desire for sex, but I can find people attractive across the board.

    For a long time I thought I was bi but trying minimal things with a girl didn't really give me warm fuzzies.


    All in all how in the hell are asexual people able to find partners? Lol. I mean I don't really want to be single but I don't want to disappoint someone or waste their time.

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  14. #94

    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclone_Baroness View Post
    All in all how in the hell are asexual people able to find partners? Lol. I mean I don't really want to be single but I don't want to disappoint someone or waste their time.
    With other asexual people?

    If you mean identifying other asexual people, then I suppose searching for online communities is your best bet.

  15. #95

    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    Quote Originally Posted by King Cannon View Post
    With other asexual people?

    If you mean identifying other asexual people, then I suppose searching for online communities is your best bet.
    Well I guess. I dunno I've had terrible luck in dating sites. There's no offline version is what I guess I'm lamenting about haha.

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  16. #96

    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    My understanding in general is that people stumble into caring individuals and then you make it work somehow.

    But then I don't exactly understand how those things happen. Magic? Random chance?
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  17. #97

    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    Quote Originally Posted by AfroSamurai View Post
    So yeah, I have a question that will probably piss off everyone here.

    Why are LGB and T together? My understanding has always been that LGB (as well as demisexual, asexual, and all other 'sex-related' things) was just about sexuality, while Transgender issues and transsexual issues were about Gender Dysphoria and other gender related issues.

    I understand that historically both overarching categories were discriminated against, but it still seems odd that these two completely different ways of being are grouped together under one big umbrella issue. I can't speak from experience, but I can't see any real link between transgender people and lesbian&gay people. They're completely different things, with completely different (and sometimes contrasting) political needs.
    At its core, we are discriminated against for the same reasons.

    LGBT people are, to varying degress, defying the established gender norms.

    Society has told us for centuries now that "A Man has these body parts and is supposed to act this way and love Women" and "A Woman has these body parts and is supposed to act this way and love Men". We all, to some extent, break the mold on that.

    There's tons of overlap too. Trans men and women also come in all flavors of Sexual Orientations too.

    So it really boils down to the matter that we have SO Many people who are against us and so much going against us, that it made perfect sense to join forces against a common oppressor, especially since we're being oppressed for the same reason.


    Also, I'm curious as to what you mean by "Contrasting" political needs. I can't think of a single thing that I or any of the other Trans people I know want that would hurt LGB people and I belong to several advocacy groups for LGB issues and I can't think of a single thing THEY want that hurts Trans folk.

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  18. #98
    The Moustache Bandit Nolus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    Wonderful thread!
    Quote Originally Posted by Angelos17 View Post
    Was there a specific trigger in your life that spurred you towards your LGBT orientation?
    I wouldn't say I had one specific trigger as I had many smaller ones.

    Spoiler:
    I have always been sort of an odd kid, not really fitting in and having boyish interests. This was quite easy to deal with at kindergarden but problems arose when I began school. The border between girls and boys seemed to grow and others seemed to go their ways quite easily. Girls started to focus on girly things, boys on boyish stuff and the distance between the two genders grew. And I was there having ever more difficulty doing my own thing. I was forced to wear skirts to some school occasions and for folk-dance class (which was mandatory). We even had these dress things for P.E. for a few years that honestly sucked. And you couldn't just go ahead and use a t-shirt and shorts like the boys, no.
    I went deeper and deeper as more differences arose between the genders and I began to loathe going onto school trips because they required girls sleeping with girls and boys with boys. I hated how the other girls never wanted to do anything but sit while I yearned to play basketball with those two friends I had who were, of course, boys. People in the hallways mocked me asking "are you a boy or a girl", kids I never saw before. One of my classmates was especially hateful as she mocked my every move. I tried to ignore her, but she didn't go away. And everyone seemed to think I was overreacting and I was at fault.
    At around 9th grade, I was bullied into being more girly as in my mom took me a to a, uh, whatever they're called. He was no psychologist, and talked about how the pain in my sheen is due to repressed feeling WHILE he was stretching it over my limit. There was one especially memorable moment with him. I was sitting on my bed, he on one of the chairs. He said it's not a man's job to be pretty, and to be accepted, I would need to do as girls do and when a guy asks for a blowjob, do it or stay alone.
    I tried the girl-stuff. I have photos to prove it. It wasn't me.
    I cut my hair, changed my whole wardrobe and hasn't stopped since. And I feel good. When I look at my own reflection somewhere on the streets, a cool and confident looking guy looks back at me. It's still not enough, but I'm getting there.
    And there're no more rules to tell me how to dress, how to act and whom to talk to. I will go ahead and shake hands with guys because f**k all, that's how I want to greet them. I hate it when guys just go shake hands with the other guys seemingly not even greeting the gals. I know it's custom, but to hell with it. It's rude.

    Ranting over. Hopefully.

    Another thing that I went through is suddenly realizing I was kind of attracted to women too. Certain types (interestingly enough, tomboys). I still feel I'm more attracted to guys but I could imagine me being with a gal. I don't want to label myself as a bisexual nor pansexual nor anything else in this matter. If people ask, depending on the circumstances, I'll say I'm bisexual for simplicity's sake.
    Maybe I was feeling I was something else that people wanted me to be this whole time. I wasn't a girly girl, nor was I really a tomboy. The second came as a greater shock (obviously) and I struggled a lot with asking myself "What am I really". I really hope this is appropriate word here; I felt I was queer in a way. I couldn't define it, but I certainly felt some things were off. At first I tried to hang onto the manly woman thing until I started thinking about having a male body.

    And now here I am, trying to become the guy, the man I truly feel like inside.

  19. #99

    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    I really hope I'm not going to upset anyone by asking about this, but it does matter to me.

    Trans-ethnicity is a relatively new point of discussion in the eye of the public, should it fall under the LGBT banner?

    I personally know someone who continually has her "heritage" forced upon her by a blatantly racist parent, yet that heritage was never shared with her. She knows almost nothing about the traditional culture of the ethnicity she was born into, and she never wants to. Discussing this topic with most people tends to result in a Sanji-esque "that's the way the world is, deal with it" response.

    If this shouldn't be considered an LGBT issue, where should she turn?

  20. #100
    Trying Too Hard Below Average's Avatar
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    Default Re: Talk LGBT Issues And Be F*king Nice About It

    Quote Originally Posted by RoboBlue View Post
    If this shouldn't be considered an LGBT issue, where should she turn?
    Why wouldn't it be considered an LGBT issue, Blue-man?

    I feel like the majority of trans people (myself included) have faced similar hardships. Some of us still are. A lot of cultures have rigid views on what makes a man or woman and what each respective gender "should" behave like. As for where to turn, if those that she knows in person aren't helping, there's always online support groups or trying to leave the unhealthy relationship. But, believe me, I know first hand how annoyingly difficult it is to do the latter.

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