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Thread: Recent Server Security Breach - April the Fool

  1. #1
    Voici La Chévre Wagomu's Avatar
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    Default Recent Server Security Breach - April the Fool

    Attention members of the Arlong Park community,

    We are currently experiencing a major security breach. A weakness in the code used to distinguish member ranks has put senior accounts at risk of hacking. Several of our members have already had their accounts seized by foreign hackers, who are now using them to launch spam attacks against our forum.

    We are currently in the process of figuring out how to contain the breach and restore affected accounts to their respective owners. This will be a long and difficult process, which may take over 24 hours to complete, during which we cannot delete the spam posts for security reasons. Until then, please continue to enjoy our forums while taking caution to ignore fraudulent posts. Do not click any suspicious links, no matter who might be posting them, or you, too, may be at risk of infection.

    If you have any questions, please keep them to this thread. I will be happy to answer them to the best of my ability.

    Thank you for understanding.

    3DS FC: 0662-3589-2887
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  2. #2
    The Mad Moiselle BellisarioFaith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    Hmmm, I do have a few:

    1) If my account gets hacked and is then banned because
    of the hacker's actions, can I be assured of getting a new account with at least three-star privileges, if not higher?
    2) Naturally, this breach will put my social security number at risk of being made public. But what about my social security letters? I don't want anyone finding out that I have FUQ-DA-GOVT as my social security letters.
    3) If my hacked account is used to post nudes, am I allowed to sue them? And can I still keep their nudes?
    4) If someone uses my account to buy Viagra and sex toys and drugs and whatever else, am I still allowed to keep those, too?
    Hidden:

  3. #3
    Schrödinger's Giraffe Wooden_Giraffe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    Any question?





    ....is Carrot going to join?

  4. #4

    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    Damn. Now everyone will know my email is chunkyjimbeibelly@newworld.com


    Wait a minute....

  5. #5
    Voici La Chévre Wagomu's Avatar
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    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    Quote Originally Posted by BellisarioFaith View Post
    Hmmm, I do have a few:

    1) If my account gets hacked and is then banned because
    of the hacker's actions, can I be assured of getting a new account with at least three-star privileges, if not higher?
    Restored accounts will be kept at the same level of user permissions.

    2) Naturally, this breach will put my social security number at risk of being made public. But what about my social security letters? I don't want anyone finding out that I have FUQ-DA-GOVT as my social security letters.

    Outcomes related to your letters are the domain of the United States Postal Service.

    3) If my hacked account is used to post nudes, am I allowed to sue them? And can I still keep their nudes?

    Nudes will be divided as found appropriate by Arlong Park staff.

    4) If someone uses my account to buy Viagra and sex toys and drugs and whatever else, am I still allowed to keep those, too?
    So long as the breach does not last more than four hours. Otherwise, call a doctor.

    --- Update From New Post Merge ---

    Quote Originally Posted by Wooden_Giraffe View Post
    Any question?





    ....is Carrot going to join?
    After cross-referencing information in the manga with equivalent number letter positions on the Wikipedia entry for Carrot, the following information has come to light:


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  6. #6
    21st Century Schizoid Man Johnny B. Decent's Avatar
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    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    Aww, I never get asked to do the fun things around here. :(

  7. #7
    Voici La Chévre Wagomu's Avatar
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    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    Quote Originally Posted by S.C. Amigo View Post
    Aww, I never get asked to do the fun things around here. :(
    Please phrase all comments in the form of a question. And all emotes in the form of a goat.

    3DS FC: 0662-3589-2887
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  8. #8
    The Mad Moiselle BellisarioFaith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    Quote Originally Posted by Wagomu View Post
    Nudes will be divided as found appropriate by Arlong Park staff.
    I see. You mods want them all to yourselves...
    So long as the breach does not last more than four hours. Otherwise, call a doctor.
    I understand. Which doctor do you recommend? Dr. Seuss, Dr. Venture, Dr. Pepper, or Dr. Dre?
    Quote Originally Posted by Wagomu View Post
    Please phrase all comments in the form of a question. And all emotes in the form of a goat.
    If we hate goats, are we still allowed to be members of this forum?
    Hidden:

  9. #9

    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    Is true love real?

  10. #10
    Voici La Chévre Wagomu's Avatar
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    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    Quote Originally Posted by BellisarioFaith View Post
    I understand. Which doctor do you recommend? Dr. Seuss, Dr. Venture, Dr. Pepper, or Dr. Dre?
    Three parts Venture to one Zhivago and one Strangelove.

    If we hate goats, are we still allowed to be members of this forum?
    No.

    --- Update From New Post Merge ---

    Quote Originally Posted by KageKageKing View Post
    Is true love real?
    A 2017 study conducted on platypuses - the closest equivalent to human romance in the animal kingdom - reveals that true love at 100% purity can be maintained for no longer than 6.9ns before breaking down. Additionally it was found that sensations recognized as love have an average composition of 3% True Love, 6.9% Lust, 12.1% Goat-Related Feelings (GRF), 24% Gas Pains, 24% Imagination and 30% Parasite-Induced Reflexes (PIR).

    3DS FC: 0662-3589-2887
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  11. #11
    The Mad Moiselle BellisarioFaith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    A few more, then:

    If my hacker uses my account to not pay my taxes, will they still take the blame for it?

    If they're an illegal immigrant and they get me deported, can I at least be deported to a tropical island in the Bahamas?

    If someone assassinates the President in my name and I go to jail for it, will you guys still visit me? Or at least attend my execution?

    Is this latest hacking simply the forum being thoroughly japed by the great Papyrus?
    Hidden:

  12. #12

    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    If hypothetically say my user account was found emptying the donation fund will the hackers be blamed?


  13. #13

    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    This is a bit crude and insensitive towards the crisis but since you have pics of some member's nudes do you by perchance have pictures of their hands

    ↑Biological Weaopn of Doom and Destruction

  14. #14
    Voici La Chévre Wagomu's Avatar
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    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    Quote Originally Posted by BellisarioFaith View Post
    A few more, then:

    If my hacker uses my account to not pay my taxes, will they still take the blame for it?
    The IRS has been notified of the situation. They are currently sending an agent over to audit your transactions.

    If they're an illegal immigrant and they get me deported, can I at least be deported to a tropical island in the Bahamas?

    Deportees are not allowed to choose their destinations. To avoid unfair treatment and simplify the process, all locations will be selected randomly.

    If someone assassinates the President in my name and I go to jail for it, will you guys still visit me? Or at least attend my execution?

    Assassins are not allowed to choose their targets. To avoid unfair treatment and simplify the process, all victims will be selected randomly.

    Is this latest hacking simply the forum being thoroughly japed by the great Papyrus?
    Papyrus works in mysterious ways. His will is not ours to understand.

    --- Update From New Post Merge ---

    Quote Originally Posted by vorlianis View Post
    If hypothetically say my user account was found emptying the donation fund will the hackers be blamed?
    I am sorry, the staff at Arlong Park does not possess the necessary means or information to deal in hypotheticals. If you do empty our donation fund, please report to us so that we may determine the proper course of action.

    --- Update From New Post Merge ---

    Quote Originally Posted by le crystal View Post
    This is a bit crude and insensitive towards the crisis but since you have pics of some member's nudes do you by perchance have pictures of their hands
    Unfortunately, if I were to reveal that information, the situation would be out of hand.

    3DS FC: 0662-3589-2887
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  15. #15

    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    What do you think about Kingdom Hearts 1? Do you think it may have to do something with this disaster?


  16. #16
    Voici La Chévre Wagomu's Avatar
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    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    Quote Originally Posted by vorlianis View Post
    What do you think about Kingdom Hearts 1? Do you think it may have to do something with this disaster?
    Kingdom Hearts 1 is a self-contained disaster and cannot be linked directly to our current situation. It is yet to be determined, however, if the low quality of the game has perhaps driven the culprits to the desperation of their current actions.

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  17. #17
    The Mad Moiselle BellisarioFaith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    So, if a giraffe's account gets hacked by a tiger, the tiger's account is hacked by a frog, the frog's account is hacked by a turtle, the turtle's account is hacked by an elephant, and the elephant's account is hacked by the giraffe, and a wolf and an owl hack each other's accounts, what does the fox say? And what does the goat do during that time?
    Hidden:

  18. #18
    Voici La Chévre Wagomu's Avatar
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    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    Quote Originally Posted by BellisarioFaith View Post
    So, if a giraffe's account gets hacked by a tiger, the tiger's account is hacked by a frog, the frog's account is hacked by a turtle, the turtle's account is hacked by an elephant, and the elephant's account is hacked by the giraffe, and a wolf and an owl hack each other's accounts, what does the fox say? And what does the goat do during that time?
    Foxes are solitary creatures and bear no evolutionary imperative towards speech or other kinds of communication.

    During that time, however, the goat will likely be addressing the security breach and answering questions posed by the concerned animals.

    3DS FC: 0662-3589-2887
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  19. #19
    Voici La Chévre Wagomu's Avatar
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    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    It would seem there has been a breach in the breach discussion thread. Please do not be alarmed. Though we are unable to delete it at this time, simply ignore the message and do not click the enclosed link.

    Thank you.

    3DS FC: 0662-3589-2887
    NNID: Gibbs-free

  20. #20
    Voici La Chévre Wagomu's Avatar
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    Default Re: Recent Server Security Breach

    No! Bad bot! Shoo!

    Please remain calm and continue to ignore bot activity.

    3DS FC: 0662-3589-2887
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